The Promise
by Rose Malmaison
Summary: This is the 'Promise' series - now in one long chapter fic...McGee and DiNozzo are a couple in an established relationship, but Tony has a history with Gibbs, which tends to interfere with their lives...Angst, drama, mpreg, kids, family, infidelity, illness, hurt/comfort and more. All chapters are 500 words. Prompt words are from ncis-drabble at LJ. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

This started out as a small series of drabbles, but when I hit chapter 34, I decided it was time to convert it into one long fic. Each chapter is 500 words, based upon a challenge word from the ncis-drabble community at livejournal.

This is slash, DiNozzo/McGee, DiNozzo/Gibbs.  
Angst, drama, mpreg, kids, family, sex (M rating), infidelity, illness, hurt/comfort and more.  
Every chapter is 500 words.  
Comments are appreciated. If you do so anonymously, as an unregistered poster, adding a name is helpful.

***–***

**The Promise**

The mattress dipped under Tony's weight. Tim waited until Tony's arm slid around him before he spoke. "Have a good time?"

"It was the usual. Steak, manly conversation, admiring the boat."

"That all?"

Tony grunted neutrally making Tim turn so he could see his expression. Shit, this was not good. "You didn't do anything stupid, did you?"

"Like what?" Tony asked wearily.

He rolled over until he faced Tony and rubbed his hand up and down Tony's bare arm. "Like tell Gibbs about. . .about us?"

Tony hugged Tim, burying his face in his neck. "I hate this. I don't like lying about it. About us."

Tim took that as a no. He was relieved but he knew how badly Tony wanted to let Gibbs know. Tim, however, was not at a point in his life where he felt like he could handle being outed. Tony knew this. They had talked it over endlessly. Who they'd tell – or not – when and where and in what way. Gently easing into it or bluntly announcing to the entire world, "we're gay and we're planning a wedding and we want our friends and family to be there."

They hadn't even set a date but they were already at odds about when and where, and whether Tim really needed to bankrupt himself over Zegna formal wear for a middle-of-the-woods ceremony. Tim had even charted out various actions and possible consequences to their admission. God, that made it sound like they were _guilty _of something.

But he hadn't expected to see Tony hurting so much over refraining from telling Gibbs.

"Not yet, not yet," Tim had pleaded just that morning.

"I _owe_ it to him," Tony had replied.

"You _promised_, Tony."

"I made the same promises to _him_ once," Tony had said, and God, the look on his face just about broke Tim's heart.

"I know," was all he could say.

"I didn't mean…you know I love you, Tim," Tony asked, his eyes pleading for understanding.

"I know." He did know that, too. Gibbs might no longer be in the picture but Tony still needed him on some level. Tim could live with that so long as it was his bed that Tony returned to every night.

Now Tony was in his arms, still upset, Tim could tell. It wasn't worth it, he thought, getting torn up over this. "Tony, look at me." When Tony sniffed and raised his eyes, Tim said, "I promised you I'd love you and cherish you–"

"And you do," Tony was quick to say.

"I do, yes I do," Tim said with a smile. "But I also promised to make you happy and if telling Gibbs is what it takes, then that's what we'll do."

"You mean that? Wait…_we_?"

Tim snorted. "You don't think I'd let you tell him _we_ want him to be there, front and center, all on your own, do you?"

They kissed and Tony whispered against his lips, "I promise…"

"I promise, too, Tony."

***–***


	2. Chapter 2

**The Announcement**

As soon as they got in the car, Tim sighed in relief. "I think that went well, don't you?"

Tony demanded, "Are you nuts?"

Tim replied defensively, "We told him we're living together and planning a wedding. He wished us well."

Tony stuck a finger in his ear and wiggled it around. "I'm sorry, I thought I hear you say, _Gibbs wished us well_."

Tim rolled his eyes and started the car. "Okay, it was more of a grunt, but he did shake my hand."

Tony groaned, "McGullible, McPull-the-wool-over-your-eyes, Mc–"

"Shut _up_," Tim said good-naturedly as he pulled out into traffic.

With a sigh, Tony looked out the window. After a while he said in a resigned tone, "I'll have to transfer to another team."

Tim turned and stared at Tony long enough that Tony had to warn him to watch the road. Once he'd recovered, Tim said, "It's about time. I don't know how you stuck it out, working with him after your breakup. He was a bastard, Tony."

"He wasn't that bad. Okay, he _was_ but…"

"But you love being on Gibbs' team," Tim finished up. "I sort of miss it, but I'm glad I made the move to cyber crimes."

"Did you see the look on his face when we told him? He was pissed. I don't want him to hate me," Tony said unhappily.

"He doesn't hate you. He's jealous because you chose me over him." Tim smiled sideways at Tony. "Can't say I blame him."

Tony suggested, a bit too brightly, "Hey, I know! We can sign up to be agents afloat together on the same ship. Just picture it: Tim & Tony on _The_ _Love Boat_."

"Oh no you don't. You expect me to be Gopher to your Captain Stubing."

That made Tony laugh, but he soon grew serious. "You know, it won't be easy for Gibbs to watch us getting married and making a life together."

Tim frowned. "Yeah well too bad; he dumped you, Tony."

Tony cringed. "Gee, thanks for reminding me."

"Sorry," Tim said and gave Tony's arm an affectionate squeeze.

"He doesn't think we'll make it. I could see it in his eyes."

"All the more reason to prove he's wrong. Not that we need to prove anything." After pulling into their driveway and shutting off the engine, Tim turned to Tony. "I don't care what the boss thinks, Tony, because I believe in us. In you and me, understand? And I will do whatever it takes to make it work."

A smile lit up Tony's face. "You will?"

Tim smiled right back. "I will. But if things get tough for you being around Gibbs, we'll transfer out of DC."

"But we just bought this house," Tony said. "You love it."

"I love you a hell of a lot more than any house, Tony."

"You do?"

"Damn right I do, and you remember that." Tim pulled Tony into his arms and showed him exactly how much he loved him.

***–***


	3. Chapter 3

**Control**

"Oh, and he doesn't brace his arms around you when you're at your desk, like he's staking out his territory?" Tim got into his new Porsche and slammed the door.

Tony slipped into the passenger seat. "Oh, c'mon, McJealous. That's just Gibbs."

Pulling out of the NCIS lot, Tim gripped the steering wheel hard. "When we were at the plasma giving a sit-rep, he never took his eyes off you."

"I was paying attention to the case, not the boss, okay?" Tony said, taking Tim's hand. Not entirely true; he was always aware of Gibbs' presence. It was impossible not to.

Tim shifted gears and their hands lost contact. Tony tried again but Tim shook him off, saying curtly, "I'm driving."

Knowing he had to fix this, and fast, Tony shrugged. "Ever since he got over the shock of us getting married, he's been acting fine."

"I don't call breathing down your neck acting fine."

"Well, maybe it feels strange to you because you haven't worked with us on a case for a while. Anyway, I don't think Gibbs is aware of what he's doing."

"Can you _hear_ yourself, Tony? You saying this is my fault?"

He shouldn't be defending Gibbs' actions, whether they were intentional or not. "It's not your fault," Tony assured Tim. Once more he reached for Tim's hand, and this time his husband gave his fingers a quick squeeze.

By the time Tim eased the car into their garage, things had calmed down. Instead of heading into the house, he opened the rear car door, took a firm hold of Tony's arm and pushed him facedown onto the back seat.

"Hey!"

Tim fumbled with Tony's belt, but the buckle was tricky. "Take it off!"

Tony half-turned and laughed. "Eager or what?" Next thing Tony knew, his pants were bunched at his knees and Tim was pulling his ass into position. There was lube, slick and cold, and pressure, and then Tim's dick was in. It burned and Tony had to bite his lip so he wouldn't cry out.

Tim grunted with every thrust, his breath hot on the back of Tony's neck. He didn't hold back and Tony's cock was already hard when Tim's fist closed around it, too tight. Tim pumped Tony's shaft and – _fuck_ – Tony humped into his sweaty fist.

"Who does this belong to?" Tim demanded.

Tony made desperate noises, about to come any second. "Fuck..._you_. Only you."

Tim stiffened and came with a rough cry, sending Tony right over the edge.

They stumbled inside, in a tangle, still kissing. Tony said, "That was a hell of a way to christen a $50,000 car."

Tim, face flushed, jammed Tony against the wall, apparently not caring that there was spunk all over his precious car.

"But…bareback, Timmy?"

"Oh shit. Tony–"

"Hey, what's the chance?" Tony mentally counted the days of his cycle. The hell with it; Tim was fucking hot with his hair messed up, his mouth swollen pink. "Upstairs. Bed," Tony commanded.

***–***


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm Late**

Tony shouldered his way through the crowded and noisy bar, intent upon getting to McGee.

The clientele looked too young to drink and Tony wondered when he'd become so old that twenty-somethings looked like kids. Tony spotted Tim, who had secured a corner table and was using his best Gibbs' glare to prevent anyone from poaching the empty chair.

As Tony slipped off his coat, Tim's frown turned into a welcoming smile. "Where've you been?"

"I'm late," Tony said, sitting.

"What?"

Leaning forward, Tony raised his voice. "I said I am _late_."

"Yeah, I've been waiting half an hour, Tony. Your beer's warm. I'll order another."

"No, I can't stomach beer right now." In fact, the noise and the bar smells were making Tony queasy. He just wanted out. "Can we go somewhere quieter?"

"Sure." Tim handed Tony his coat and ushered him out with a hand in the small of his back.

The night air was crisp and cold. Tony took a deep breath but his stomach clenched and suddenly he was leaning over the curb, throwing up, with Tim gripping his elbow. When Tony was done, a fistful of tissues appeared under his nose and he cleaned up as best he could. Once in Tim's car, weak and sweating, Tony sat there with his window cracked open.

Tim looked at him with concern. "You need a barf bag?"

Tony shook his head. "It's over."

Tim was still eyeing him. "You got the flu?"

Laughing, Tony shook his head. "What I've got ain't catching."

"You want to go home?"

"I'm sorry."

Turning in his seat, Tim looked closely at Tony. "Why were you late?"

Torn between being straightforward and making a joke out of a situation that was far from funny, Tony opted for humor. "Uh, because my boyfriend thought that impromptu sex in his new Porsche was a fun idea?"

While Tony watched Tim trying to work that one out, he pulled out a small printout and handed it to him.

Tim stared at the image. "What is this?"

"It's a McBaby, Tim. Just what we always wanted."

Tim looked at Tony, his eyes wide with disbelief and awe. "But you're too…_old_."

"Apparently not."

"Oh my God. We're going to be…"

"Yup, parents. You can say it. It won't hurt." Not too much, anyway.

"Aren't you happy?"

Tony looked at the dark image with the light blob that was their kid. "I guess. I mean…I'm happy but I'm sorta scared. What if I'm a lousy parent? What if–?"

Tony ended up in Tim's arms, with Tim whispering assurances in his ear. "He'll be loved, like I love you, Tony. That's what counts."

Tony gave a watery smile. "Love you, too, Tim. Can we name him Jack?"

Tim narrowed his eyes. "You mean like Jack Nicholson?"

"No, you ass. Like Jackson Gibbs."

"Okay then."

They were almost home when Tony asked, "How about Jackson Nicholson DiNozzo-McGee?"

"_No_."

"Sheesh."

"I'm serious, Tony."

Tony just grinned.

"_Tony_…"

***–***


	5. Chapter 5

**The Naked Truth**

They were in bed, and things were getting pretty hot when Tim killed the mood by saying, "If you don't tell Gibbs, Tony, I will."

Tony looked over his shoulder. "Oh, so you don't think we can have a pregnant agent out in the field, chasing evidence and running down criminals?"

"This isn't just about work, Tony." Tim rubbed Tony's not-so-flat belly and kissed him behind his ear. "You have to let him know before it becomes any more obvious."

Tony nodded reluctantly. He was already wearing pants a size bigger, and Abby had made a comment about his weight gain.

"He's going to be big," said Tim, smiling against Tony's neck.

"Yeah, well, this kid had better not make me gain a lot of weight. At my age it ain't so easy to take it off."

Tim thrust slowly against Tony's ass and said, "You're beautiful. And our first baby is going to be beautiful. You have any idea how much this means to me?"

With a small sigh, Tony placed his hand on top of his husband's where it lay on his belly. He turned his head and kissed Tim lovingly on the lips. "And you mean a lot to _me_. You saved me when I was down and–"

"Tony–"

"No, let me say this. If you hadn't been there, I don't know what I might've done. I mean…I might have done something _awful_ like run away to Mexico to live in sin with Franks."

"Ew!"

"Or to Israel to shack up with Ziva."

"Double ew! Now I'm not in the mood any more."

Tony chuckled and reached back for Tim's half-hard dick. "I can fix that for you, McErection." He stroked Tim's shaft, slow and with just the amount of pressure he liked, and soon had him moaning and thrusting against his hip.

When Tim entered him, Tony felt his teeth sink into his neck, marking him for all to see.

***–***

An announcement that he was having a baby with Tim was not going to go over well. After all, he'd once vowed to Gibbs that under no circumstance would he bear him a child. _"I am not a baby-maker, Jethro. Not even for you."_

Tony put it off for days and days became weeks, until one night Tony found himself in Gibbs basement. His refusal of a whiskey raised eyebrows and despite a well-rehearsed speech, Tony blurted, "I can't. I've got a bun." Gibbs was staring and Tony stuttered, "I-in the oven. I m-mean a kid. Shit, I can't do this." He tried to run but Gibbs caught him and pushed him against the workbench.

Gibbs' expression of disbelief turned to wonder. "You're–?"

Next thing Tony knew he was clinging to Gibbs, his heart aching with the loss of what might have been. "Jethro, I'm scared," he admitted in a whisper.

"Of what?" Gibbs asked gently.

"Of hurting you."

"Oh, Tony. It's much too late for that," Gibbs said, and then he kissed him.

***–***


	6. Chapter 6

**Lies, all Lies**

"Do _not_ do this to me," Tony pled, pushing at Jethro, though not very hard. Jethro countered, pressing Tony against the workbench in an all-too familiar way.

"What am I doing to you?" Gibbs asked, his breath hot on Tony's cheek. Their mouths were so close, all it would take was for one of them to shift a little and they'd kiss – again.

"You know damned well." Tony averted his face. Jethro's lips brushed along Tony's jaw, his tongue leaving a damp trail along the way. When he gently sucked at the soft skin of Tony's throat, the last of Tony's resolve melted away.

Their instant their lips met, desire flamed and Tony yielded to Jethro's deep, possessive kiss. Jethro pushed up his shirt and ran his hands over Tony's exposed skin, making him tremble with need. But when Jethro stroked Tony's belly, almost reverently, Tony grasped his hand. "Don't…" Jethro had no right to touch him, not _there_, not when Tim's child growing within.

Jethro sighed, "Tony," and Tony could hear the resignation in his voice.

"This is all wrong." They both knew it, despite their momentary lapse. Tony held Jethro at arm's length. "We missed our chance."

"Why now? With _him_?"

"When I was with you, I couldn't," said Tony, apologetically. It was over two years, a lifetime, ago.

Jethro's blue eyes sought understanding. "I wanted it so damn much, Tony."

"You wanted a child, not me."

"I wanted _you_, too, Tony."

"I couldn't trust you with your track record." There, he'd finally said it.

Jethro jerked as if he'd been struck. "What, you thought I might _divorce_ you? Never, I'd _never_ do that if we had a child together."

"Well now I'm married and having Tim's baby." Tim was steady. Tim would never divorce him.

Jethro's voice ached with the pain of everything they'd lost. "I _always_ wanted you, Tony. I still do."

Tony roughly swept away unexpected tears. "Don't say that."

Jethro enfolded Tony in his arms, and Tony let him hug him one last time, as if he had the right.

"I can't." Tony stepped out of Jethro's reach and ran for his car before he could change his mind.

***–***

"I never should have let you go alone, Tony."

"Nothing happened."

"The hell it didn't," Tim shouted.

"C'mon, I love you, Timmy."

"You love him more," Tim cried, shoving Tony away when he reached for him.

Tony wrapped Tim in a hug and refused to let go. "I love you, Tim, and the life we're making together."

"Well I hate you," Tim said, his eyes bright with anguish.

"No you don't," Tony replied tiredly. "Let's go to bed."

***–***

The sex had a desperate edge to it; it was as though Tim wanted to consume him. Afterwards they made up and everything seemed all right.

Tony held a sleeping Tim in his arms, thinking how Tim had been right. It scared Tony because he was afraid that he _did_ love Jethro more.

***–***


	7. Chapter 7

**Timing Is Everything**

Tony smirked and said, "Gibbs doesn't bite. Much."

Tim asked, "You sure you're okay with me taking your place, Tony?"

Tony stroked his huge belly. "Only until the kid's born and I'm cleared to work again. Besides, _nobody_ can take my place."

"Maybe I should get a tetanus shot," said Tim glumly.

"C'mon, Timmy. Gibbs is okay with everything now." Gibbs had shown Tony and Tim nothing but respect ever since Tony told him he was pregnant.

Tim raised an eyebrow. "Gibbs'll never be okay with me because I'm the one you married. But I think we can work together for the next few months without killing each other, don't you?"

After using the bathroom for the hundredth time that day, Tony returned to the bullpen to find Gibbs and McGee in the middle of a hot exchange. Again.

Tim complained, "You're keeping Tony at work too many hours, and he's supposed to keep off his feet."

"C'_mon_, guys," Tony muttered under his breath. He was getting really tired of being the one who kept the peace.

"He isn't chained to his desk, McGee. He can leave whenever he feels like it," Gibbs asserted.

Tim stepped right up to Gibbs and said, "You know damned well that Tony isn't going anywhere so long as he thinks that you need him. And if _any_ harm comes to Tony or our child…"

Immediately, Gibbs protested, "I would _never_ do anything to put them in jeopardy–"

"Then what was he doing at the crime scene this morning, in the rain?"

"Picking up evidence, McGee."

"Am I the only one around here who understands what 'no field work' means?"

Although watching his two favorite men face off was fascinating, Tony figured it was time to step in. "Hey guys, no bloodshed, not on my account. First of all, it's three weeks before the kid makes an appearance and– Ow!"

Tim stared. "What?"

"Pain!" Tony clutched his belly, panting, but as suddenly as it had come, the pain disappeared.

Gibbs pushed Tony into a chair and reached for the phone. "I'm calling Ducky."

Tim looked like he was going to faint. "Time for the hospital."

Tony struggled to his feet. "I'm fine. Fine! It's just a little gas."

They tried to get Tony to remain seated but he brushed them off. "No, I need to move around." He took a few steps, hands supporting his lower back, and another pain struck. His legs felt wet and Tony looked down to see a puddle at his feet. "Oh no! It's too early! _Timmy_!"

"I'm here, Tony," Tim said, wrapping a supportive arm around him. "Let's go."

"I can't!" Tony wailed.

Gibbs almost shouted, "Why the hell not, DiNozzo?"

"I can't go out in wet pants!"

As soon as they got Tony into clean sweatpants, Tim demanded, "Okay, can we _please_ go now?"

"Sheesh, anxious much?" Tony managed a smile despite another pain. "Guess we're having a baby, huh?"

"Not in my bullpen, you're not," Gibbs replied.

***–***


	8. Chapter 8

**The Birth **

"Hospital. _Now_." Gibbs looked calm but Tony could feel his hand shaking when he helped him into the car.

Gibbs drove at a breakneck speed, while Tim sat in the back, supporting Tony. "You'll be fine, just fine." It didn't sound like Tim believed his own words.

"It's okay," Tony said. "I mean, men have been doing this since the dawn of time, right?"

They were only partway there when Tony began to have trouble catching his breath. He gasped, "I think…s-something's wrong."

Tim held him tight. "I'm right here, Tony."

"I th-think I'm bleeding."

"Oh, Jesus," said Tim, his voice far away. "Can't you drive any faster?"

"I'm so cold…"

"Don't you dare do this to me, Tony…_Tony_!"

Tony was wheeled into a room, IVs, monitors and oxygen put in place. A contraction cut across his abdomen and he groaned. "_God_. I don't wanna do this any more."

Gibbs spoke in Tony's ear, his breath warm and familiar. "You do _not_ give up."

Tim was at his side so Tony reached out for him. "The baby…"

"The baby's fine, Tony," Tim assured him.

"Timmy, make sure…"

"Shhh. _Please_, Tony," Tim begged. "Nurse, what's the delay?"

"Name the baby…Jackson Nicholson. Promise?"

Tim sounded like he was crying. "We'll talk about names after he's born, okay?"

The pain was terrible, cutting him in half. Gibbs clung to his hand and somehow Tony managed to whisper, "Don' let go."

"Nobody's goin' anywhere, Tony."

"Promise…?"

"_Tony_!"

"His stats are dropping! Let's get him in. _Now_, people!"

***–***

They delivered the baby safely, but afterwards Tony still had trouble breathing so they kept him in ICU for a while.

The first time he held his baby, Tony couldn't stop crying, which scared everyone, including Gibbs.

Abby, Jimmy, Ducky – they all came by to admire the newborn but when Tony looked for Gibbs, he was nowhere to be seen.

"He left," said Abby. "He looked upset."

"Tim, tell Jethro to get back in here."

"Tony, if he doesn't want–"

Tony insisted, "He's family, and I don't want him left out."

When Tim returned, he reported that Gibbs must have left.

Tony phone Gibbs and left a message. "Jethro, come back. You need to be a part of this."

"Tony, he doesn't need–"

"I am not leaving him out in the cold. Now, d'you want to hold your son or not?"

***–***

Tim was sound asleep in a bedside chair when Gibbs slipped in quietly. He watched Tony gently guide the baby's mouth to a nipple. A little fist clenched and the baby began suckling. "He looks like you."

Tony smiled up at Gibbs. "I've never felt anything like this. Overwhelmed, with love."

"Babies'll do that to you," Gibbs said wistfully.

"This is about more than my baby."

Gibbs stared at him, then said, his voice rough, "It won't work."

"I'm not letting go, Jethro. Not of you, or Tim, or any part of this."

Gibbs didn't respond and when Tony next looked up, he was gone.

***–***


	9. Chapter 9

**Life Changes**

Tony closed the door to their bedroom quietly, although Tim was out for the count and not likely to wake up until the morning. In the living room he found Gibbs on the couch, holding the baby up for inspection.

The five-month old boy was frowning at Gibbs, apparently not sure what to make of him. "Bah," the baby said, wriggling.

Tony sat beside Gibbs and reached for his son, but Gibbs gently drew the baby to his chest. "We're fine, Tony. How's Tim?"

"The pain meds kicked in and he's sleeping like a baby. Speaking of which, it's time for Nicky to get some shut-eye." The baby was making little sounds and drooling on Gibbs' shoulder but Gibbs didn't seem to mind.

"Thought his name was Jackson," Gibbs said.

Tony smiled. "Yeah, Tim gave in and agreed to naming him Jackson Nicholson. Tim calls him Jack and I call him Nicky. I think the kid's gonna grow up confused."

Gibbs gently patted Jack-Nicky's back and the baby settled. "Give yourself some credit."

"I know, but being a dad is scary sometimes." Exhausted, Tony slumped and rested his head on the back of the couch. "And with Tim getting himself shot…"

Gibbs looked over at him sympathetically, "He's gonna be fine."

"I know but…for a minute there I thought he was dead." Tony pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes and told himself to hold it together. Strong arms encircled him and he opened his eyes to find Gibbs' concerned face inches away. He should have pulled away but he really needed this and the baby was resting comfortably between them. Besides, he didn't want to start Nicky crying.

"You know I'm here for you, Tony. Anything."

Tony's heart was hammering away and he could only nod. It was very hard to push Gibbs away, but he did so, gently but firmly. "I can't…I just can't."

"I shouldn't have," Gibbs said at the same time.

"I appreciate you being here, Jethro." Gibbs was watching him closely, as if every word that Tony said was important. Tony had almost forgotten how much that mattered.

"I miss you, Tony," Gibbs said gruffly.

Tony nodded, biting his lip. The sense that he'd lost something terribly important washed over him. "I should have tried harder. Shouldn't have walked out on you."

"I was being an asshole. You did the right thing," Gibbs said, never taking his eyes off the baby. He stroked the baby's downy head, smiling sadly. "I wanted kids–"

"–and I didn't," Tony said ruefully. "Not then. Now look at me, settled down with Tim, and baby makes three."

Gibbs looked up, loss stark in his eyes. "Never would have worked out."

"No, it wouldn't have," Tony said, grieving a little for the past. "I'm so sorry, Jethro."

Gibbs shook his head. "Don't be." The baby fell asleep on his chest and after a while Gibbs whispered, "Think I can be the kid's uncle?"

"I think you already are."

***–***


	10. Chapter 10

**Dinner**

The baby was crying so loudly that Tim didn't hear Tony come in the front door. "Hey! Dada's home," Tony called.

Tim turned, and just about thrust the red-faced nine-month old into Tony's arms. "Thank God! Where have you been?"

Still screaming, Nicky rocked forward, smearing Tony's suit jacket with tears and snot and something pale green. "What's the matter, kiddo? Papa give you peas? Tim, you know he hates peas. I said to buy carrots."

"They were on special and…Oh hell, I'm so glad you're home, Tony. Even if you're two hours late."

Tony took the crying baby into the kitchen. "Get me a washcloth, Tim." He sat at the table and settled Nicky on his lap, rubbing his back and making soothing noises until he stopped crying.

"Guh," Nicky said and then hiccupped loudly. He grasped Tony's tie in one pudgy hand and gave it a good yank.

Tony admonished, "Hey, that's an Armani. Can you say 'Armani'?"

Nicky jumped up and down on Tony's lap and cried, "Ma! Ma!"

Accepting the wet cloth from Tim, Tony wiped the baby's face while explaining, "The correct form of address is Special Agents Dada and McPapa."

"Tony, he doesn't understand when you talk to him like that. I've been reading about child development and–"

"Look, my father talked down to me my whole life, Tim, and yours was the same. I'm going to treat our son like a real person." Tony grinned at Tim and said, "Besides, we save our baby-talk for the bedroom, right babe?"

Tim blushed. "_Tony_." He pulled up a chair and stroked Nicky's blond hair, smiling tenderly. "He gets more like you every day."

"Handsome? Smart?"

Tim wasn't letting him off the hook. "Late?"

Tony sighed. "Okay, I was at dinner. With Gibbs."

"Dinner, Tony? With Gibbs?" Tim let his displeasure show.

"It was only _dinner_, Timmy," Tony said.

"What, you don't have a phone?"

The hell with this. "He wants me back."

"He wants you…?"

"Full time." Tony stared at Tim's stricken face. "What did you think I meant?" Shit, he couldn't deal with this. Nicky was looking sleepy, so Tony stood, saying abruptly, "I'm putting him to bed."

***–***

Tony leaned over the crib and watched his sleeping baby while he thought about Gibbs – Gibbs watching him intently; Gibbs trying not to smile when Tony said yes; Gibbs' warm hand on his shoulder when they said goodnight.

***–***

Tony returned to the kitchen wearing sweatpants, his chest bare. Tim stood by the sink, looking unhappy, so Tony leaned into him and nuzzled the underside of his jaw.

Tim's palms cupped Tony's breasts. "I love you like this," he said hoarsely.

"I know. Suck my nipples," Tony said, knowing how much that turned Tim on. "Careful, they're sensitive." Breathing unevenly, Tim lapped at one of his rosy nipples then started to suckle in earnest. Tony moaned, "God, that's good." He cradled the back of Tim's head and said softly, "It's okay, babe, it was only dinner."

***–***


	11. Chapter 11

**Undercover**

He'd been back at work for a month when he got an undercover assignment. Tim was not happy about it but Tony didn't want to hear all the reasons why he should not go. He kissed Tim and the baby good-bye, saying, "Hey, I'll be with Gibbs," as if the man was some kind of magic charm.

It was great to be working alone with Gibbs again, just like the old days. Gibbs caught Tony grinning and smirked in understanding.

They got the evidence they needed and retreated, only they never made it to their car. Shots rang out and Tony and Gibbs had to run for their lives.

"At least we're together," Tony said as they hightailed it deep into some woods. By the time night fell and the temperature dropped, Tony had a bad feeling things were going to get worse before they got better. "We lost, Boss?"

Gibbs didn't reply.

Tony trusted Gibbs to lead the way, but even the ex-marine had trouble navigating when it started to snow heavily. Hours later, wet and frozen, they stumbled upon a rundown cabin.

They broke in and Gibbs started a fire in the small fireplace with trembling hands.

Shivering, Tony poked around and discovered some ratty blankets and old clothing. He held up an oversized jacket. "Hey, look what I found. Sears best, size: extra-huge."

"Get your wet clothes off," Gibbs ordered, sending Tony an inscrutable look.

Teeth chattering, Tony stripped down and dressed in dry clothes, aware that Gibbs never took his eyes off him.

Gibbs laid out a makeshift bed in front of the fire. He raised an eyebrow. "You waiting for an engraved invitation?"

"Gee, you're so r-romantic," Tony said, rolling his eyes.

Gibbs quickly changed and joined Tony under the blankets. He wrapped his arms around Tony and pulled him close with a satisfied grunt.

Uneasy, Tony joked, "If I'd known we were going to be bed-buddies, Jethro, I'd have stripped a lot sooner."

Gibbs shifted his hips so that Tony could feel his erection, intently watching Tony's expression. He was waiting, Tony realized, for a sign that he was receptive. Tony could feel Jethro's warm breath, could smell him, could almost _taste_ the man he'd loved since the first moment their worlds had collided. "Jethro," whispered Tony, his heart aching. "Oh Jethro," he sighed. Resting his head on Jethro's chest, Tony just breathed and listened to his heartbeat for a while.

They made it back safely to civilization the next day, and called in. Tim was with the team who picked them up. He rushed over and clung to Tony like he was never going to let him go.

Then Gibbs walked by, met Tony's eyes, and gave him a nod before moving on.

Tim read something into that little exchange and he stepped back, painful realization in his eyes.

Tony shook his head, saying, "No, _no_, Tim."

"Fuck you, Tony," Tim said and turned on his heel and left.

***–***


	12. Chapter 12

**Decisions**

It was dark in the hallway and Tony stumbled over something – suitcases, packed and waiting. For a heart-stopping moment he thought, 'Tim's kicking me out,' until he realized that the bags were Tim's.

He found Tim in their bedroom, getting his shaving gear together. Tim glanced up at Tony, expressionless, and went back to his packing.

Tony watched for a few minutes but it was obvious Tim wasn't going to make any overture. When he couldn't stand it any more, Tony blurted, his voice shaky, "You're leaving me."

Tim zipped up his bag and faced Tony. One thing about Tim, when needed to, he could put on a good poker face. Tim said evenly, "I was offered an really good assignment in Okinawa."

Tony laughed in disbelief. "You won't take it." Then, not so sure, "Will you?"

Tim shrugged. "Vance has been pressing me for an answer."

"You're leaving me?" Tony was sure he was going to be sick.

Tim said, a little challenge in his tone, "I'm going for an interview first."

He knew it; Tim was going to take the job. The ground under him was falling away, his whole world crumbling. "Where's Nicky?" For a moment Tony panicked, sure that Tim was taking their son with him.

"He's safe. At Abby's." For the first time, Tony saw the anguish in Tim's eyes.

Tony reached out. "Timmy, listen to me."

Avoiding Tony's touch, Tim cried, "No! _No_, Tony. You have to decide if you're coming to Japan with me, you and Nicky. If you want this marriage to work. There'll be a job for you there. You have a week to decide."

_'Or else,'_ hovered between them, a sharp blade waiting to fall.

Tim grabbed his bag and brushed past him, and all Tony could think was, _'He isn't going to say good-bye.' _He hurried after Tim and caught him at the door. He needed to speak but what could he say? 'I'm sorry' wasn't going to cut it. _I never meant this to happen. Oh God, I am so fucked up. You knew that from the start. Please, Tim. _"Wait, Tim! Don't go!"

Tim stopped in his tracks. He asked, his voice rough with pain, "Just tell me, did you _ever_ really love me?"

Tony could barely catch his breath but he managed to say, "It's different with you, Tim. It's _better_. It's real, it's _us_, it's our family."

Tim's carefully constructed mask slipped and he pushed Tony hard against the door. "Did you tell him that while he was fucking you, Tony? You remind him that you have a family and he should keep his hands off what isn't his? You remind him that when he threw you away you were such a mess you cried for a whole week? You tell him how I picked up the pieces and helped you lay off the booze so you wouldn't lose your job? You tell him how much I loved you? I fucking _loved_ you, Tony!"

***–***


	13. Chapter 13

**Truth**

Tony'd never seen his husband so angry. He wished Tim would punch him and be done with it. "You mean _love_," Tony corrected.

"What?"

"You said _loved_. Past tense. That's wrong. You didn't mean that." Tony watched Tim's face, deathly afraid he'd see confirmation that Tim no longer loved him. "Tell me you didn't mean that," he said, his voice cracking.

Tim surprised Tony by leaning in and kissing him on the mouth, hard and swift, still very angry.

And then he grabbed his bags and left.

When Abby arrived with Nicky in tow, Tony was sitting in the dark hallway, dry-eyed and hating himself enough for ten people.

"Oh, Tony."

"Daddy!" cried Nicky happily.

Tony slowly rose to his feet and took his son in his arms. "Got a kiss for Daddy? Oh, a nice sticky one. Thank you so very much."

Abby said sadly, "Tony…"

"Come on, kid, it's gonna be just you and me for a while." Tony carried Nicky into the kitchen. Abby followed him and Tony could feel the heat of her gaze on his back. "You can stay but I won't be very good company," he offered without meeting her eyes.

"I won't stay. Only, and I know you don't want to hear this, but what the _hell_ were you thinking, Tony? You have such a good home and loving husband and the most beautiful kid in the world and you've thrown it all away! I love Gibbs, I _do_, I love him like nobody's business, and I know that you've always had this thing between you, but I could _kill_ Gibbs for ruining this, and you, you–"

"You're scaring Nicky," Tony warned. He put the baby in his high chair and gave him a handful of Cheerios.

"You cheated on Tim," she said furiously.

Tony stood there for a minute, trying not to lose it. He took Abby into the dining room and explained in a quiet voice, "Gibbs did not fuck me. I was freezing and he held me. That's all."

Abby inspected him with narrowed eyes. "But you wanted more."

Tony laughed humorlessly. "I _always_ want more. But I said _no_, Abby, and Jethro listened."

"You _fix_ this."

Tony nodded. "I will. Even if I have to move to the other side of the world, I'm going to fix this. I _have_ to, for all of our sakes."

"You love Timmy?"

"More than he knows."

When Abby left, Nicky asked, "Papa?"

Tony told his son the truth. "Papa has gone to Okinawa."

Nicky looked at his dad with big eyes. "Kiwawa?"

"Close enough, kid."

Nicky looked towards the front door. "Papa coming back?"

"Of course he'll be back." Tony picked Nicky up and put on a big smile. "How about we watch cartoons and eat popcorn? That'll be fun, won't it?" They watched _Tom and Jerry_ and _Roadrunner_ until Nicky fell asleep. Tony put him to bed and whispered, "Guess this means we're moving to Japan, son."

***–***


	14. Chapter 14

**Repeat Patterns**

Tim came in late from his trip. Tony lay in bed, anxiously listening to him moving around, sure that his husband would spend the night in the guest room. Tim had been so angry when he'd left and had only called once in the entire week he was away. It had gone to voicemail and Tony had listened to the message a dozen times, trying to find some hope in the spare words.

_"Be back on Friday. Look, I don't know why I'm apologizing but I'm sorry, and...and we need to talk."_

The toilet flushed and then, _thank God_, Tim slipped into bed. Tony's back was to him but he wanted so badly to face Tim and say, 'No, I'm the one who should be apologizing.' Afraid of rejection, he did nothing.

Tim touched him, gently, a hand sliding up his arm. "Tony?"

Tony turned into him, and next thing he knew they were kissing and he was whispering, "I'm sorry, so sorry…" Asking Tim for forgiveness would be pointless so Tony lay in Tim's arms and accepted whatever he was willing to give him.

Tim was too tired to do more than thrust against Tony's hip before falling asleep, but Tony was just glad to have him back. The next morning they lay in bed facing each other and had the talk they'd avoided for so long.

"It's a good opportunity," said Tim.

"A great opportunity," Tony agreed. "Head of the Cyber Department? When do you start?"

Instead of answering his question, Tim said, "At first I was walking on air, but on the flight, the closer I got to home, the less important the job seemed. I almost forgot what matters most, Tony, but being so far away from you and Nicky gave me the kick in the butt I needed."

"Oh, Tim."

"See, I blamed Gibbs for being so damned accessible all the time, for making the moves on you. For being _him_. Then I blamed _you_ for falling for his crap, for being willing, for being unfaithful."

"Tim…"

"I blame myself for not giving you what you needed, for failing as a husband."

"No, _no_…"

Tim shook his head. "We're all tied up, the three of us. It's like one of those Chinese finger traps, where the harder you try to escape, the tighter it gets. So I'm thinking maybe we _shouldn't_ fight it. Putting distance between you and Gibbs probably won't be enough to break your addiction for him. I can put up barriers between you two, can go over and beat the shit out of him...okay, that's not likely to happen...but the only person who can make this work is _you_, Tony. The choice is yours but it _kills_ me to think of you being with him. It fucking kills me! He's going to hurt you again. I know you'd put everything you've got into the relationship but there's no way he can sustain it. Look at his track record. Same old pattern."

***–***


	15. Chapter 15

**Trust**

After breakfast, Tony sat next to Tim on the couch and watched Nicky playing happily at their feet. The silence between them stretched until Tony said quietly, "I was unfaithful to you." Despite the fact that Tim must have expected the confession, he looked shocked. Tony wanted to take it back, to erase what he'd done, to change how he felt about Gibbs, but none of that was possible.

Tim asked, "When?"

"When I went to tell him that I was pregnant."

Tim rose halfway from his seat and demanded, "He fucked–"

Nicky stopped playing with a wooden truck that Gibbs had made for him and stared, aware something bad was going on.

Tim slowly sat down again and asked in a strained voice, "You did it when you were carrying our baby?"

"_No_, we just kissed." It had been so much more than a kiss; the moment Jethro had touched him he'd responded in kind. "I ran out of there before anything happened."

"What about at the cabin?" asked Tim, his voice raw.

Tony shook his head. "Jethro wanted to. Hell, _I_ wanted to, but it never went that far." They'd come close though, right to the edge, yet each time Tony had found the strength to pull back.

"But you said…"

Nicky came over, teary, holding his arms out to Tim. "Up. Up!" Tim soothed him until he was settled again. After a while, Nicky went back to his toys, and Tim and Tony moved into the dining room.

"I meant…we kissed and I wanted…I wanted him," Tony said, keeping his voice down. Just wanting Jethro was tantamount to cheating, and he was ashamed of his desire. "It never went further than that, I promise. God, Timmy, I'm so sorry for hurting you."

They sat at the table for a long while, not looking at each other.

"You have anything else to say?" asked Tim, sounding intractable.

Knowing he was close to losing Tim, Tony said desperately, "It's _you_ I want, you I love."

"Yeah, well, I'm not sure that's enough."

Stricken, Tony whispered, "You don't love me?"

Tim seemed conflicted. "I didn't say that."

Tony took his husband's hand and rubbed his thumb over his wedding ring. He promised, "It won't ever happen again, Tim. I told him, when we were snowed in, that I needed to turn things around, that I wouldn't do this to you any more. And I meant it."

Tim sighed. "I wish I could believe you, Tony. Trouble is, I know that right now you mean every word but I don't think you're strong enough."

The truth was, Tony wasn't all that certain that he was strong enough either, but he was damned well going to try. "I want to go with you to Okinawa, leave all of this behind."

"You think you can leave _him_ behind, Tony? You think you can commit, _really_ commit to me, to our marriage?"

"Yes, I do. Only…you don't trust me?"

Tim replied sadly, "No. Not really."

***–***


	16. Chapter 16

**Doubt **

It hurt to see the uncertainty in Tim's eyes, knowing he'd put it there. But it hurt a lot worse to know his husband didn't trust him. "I told you the truth, Tim," said Tony, knowing it wasn't enough.

Tim sat on the edge of the bed, not saying anything until Tony joined him. "I know you did but…"

Tony rubbed his face and said flatly, "This doesn't look good for us, does it?"

"Not if you give in, the minute Gibbs looks sideways at you."

Tony gave a humorless laugh. "You're not giving me much credit, are you?"

"I'm just telling you what I feel, Tony."

"You mean what you're scared of," Tony accused.

"Yeah, I'm scared. I'm _damned_ scared, you idiot, of losing you."

"Well, knowing that you expect me to run off with Jethro the second he crooks his little finger at me isn't exactly reassuring, Timmy," Tony said, hurt and annoyed. "I told you I'm not interested in him, Tim. What else do you want me to say?"

"It's not what you say, it's…" Tim sighed heavily and took both of Tony's hands in his. "Maybe if you and I are alone…we'll have a chance. A fresh start."

Tony turned towards Tim and looked him in the eye. "I'll do everything you expect of me, Tim. I'm even willing to leave our friends and home behind to prove myself to you. But if at the end of the day you can't trust me, then what's the point?"

"The point is that we can make this work, but it's going to take time."

Tony looked at their clasped hands and he gave Tim's a squeeze. "I meant what I said, Tim. I'll be all yours, but I can't spend my entire life proving I'm faithful to you, over and over again. I'm telling you that I _am, _that I_ will be_. You're going to have to accept that, accept that I chose you over Jethro back when you asked me to marry you. If that doesn't count for something then we have no business being married."

"But you went to him, you let him _touch_ you, Tony."

Tony shot back, "And I walked away every time, Tim. You think I wasn't hard for me to do that? I admit that I was turning a blind eye to what this was doing to you, to all of us. I know that now, and I'm sorry, and I wish I could go back and–"

Tim pulled Tony into his arms and held him tight, saying urgently, "Don't! We can't go back, Tony!I want you to be with _me_. That's all I need, Tony. Just _you_. Understand?" Tony, his face pressed into Tim's neck, nodded. After a while, Tim said reluctantly, "Shit, we have to go to work soon. I have to tell Vance I'm accepting the position today but…can we talk more tonight?"

Exhausted and not knowing how he was going to make it through the day, Tony nodded once again.

***–***


	17. Chapter 17

**Restraint**

When Tony arrived at work, the bullpen was empty except for Gibbs. "Probies?"

"Out. Got a lead on a cold case." Gibbs held out the case files. "Here. Do some digging." When Tony took them without a comment, Gibbs inspected him closely. "You okay, Tony?"

"Never better."

All morning long, every time Tony looked up, Gibbs was eyeing him suspiciously. Usually Tony enjoyed being the object of Gibbs' attention, but he was on edge and the last thing he needed was Gibbs getting into his head.

Just before noon, Tim walked by on his way upstairs to see Vance. He nodded to Tony, ignoring Gibbs.

When Tony dragged his eyes away from Tim, it was to find Gibbs standing in front of him, his eyes sharp. "You got something to tell me, DiNozzo?"

Tony almost caved and told Gibbs that he and Tim had made a decision that would impact all of their lives. He was going to have to face Gibbs soon, but not yet. "Nope. Just working on the case, Boss."

Gibbs could tell he was lying but, for once, Tony didn't care.

"DiNozzo, with me."

Tony dutifully followed his boss into an empty conference room. Gibbs left the door partway open, but as he stood between Tony and the exit, there was no chance of escape. Tony didn't ask what was going on. He didn't put any effort into talking about the weather or the state of the economy; no movie references either. This was too important.

Gibbs moved in until they were only inches apart, and although his gaze was intense it seemed genuine with concern. "You sure about this?" he asked softly.

"What? Oh…" Of _course_ Gibbs knew what was going on. Vance would have informed him they were likely to lose McGee to the Okinawa office. And Gibbs knew that could mean Tony, too. Instead of answering directly, Tony replied, "I've known you for thirteen years, Jethro. You're a dedicated, forthright, resolute kind of man. I trust you with my life, we all do." They were so close that Tony could smell the aroma of wood that always seemed to cling to Gibbs. It was intoxicating and wildly intimate, but Tony hardened his heart and demanded, "So why would a man like you think it's okay to interfere with another man's marriage?"

Gibbs flinched a little, but whatever remorse he might have felt, he shook it off. "You _settled_ for him, Tony."

"I _chose_ him," Tony countered. "And now I've confirmed that choice."

"You're afraid of staying?" Gibbs scoffed.

_Yes_, thought Tony, and he knew it showed in his eyes. "I'm going with my husband," he said firmly, refusing to give in.

Gibbs was about to reply when Tim appeared in the doorway. He looked from one to the other and said casually, "I need Tony. We have paperwork to do. Tony, you coming?"

"Yeah. Coming," Tony replied.

Never taking his eyes off Tony, Gibbs smirked a little but moved aside. "He's all yours."

***–***


	18. Chapter 18

**Break**

"The flight's tomorrow at noon. You and Breena can move in here anytime. Yeah, I can't wait to see Tim again. Look, Jimmy, there's someone at the door…"

It was Gibbs, carrying a bag of Chinese take-out. "Peace offering?"

Tony snapped his cell shut and gripped the door. During his last week at work, they'd been so occupied investigating a multiple homicide that there had been no time for anything else, and Gibbs had kept it professional. "I knew it was too good to be true."

"Yeah, well, you didn't say good-bye." Gibbs stood there, patiently waited for an invitation.

Tony sighed. "I _can't_ let you in," he said, hating the hint of apology that crept into his voice. "Tim–" There was a crash from inside, a second of silence, and then Nicky started screaming.

Tony ran into the kitchen to find that the baby had pulled over a box he'd been packing. Nicky was surrounded by shards of glass and Tony almost had a heart attack when he saw blood on his little arm. "Oh shit! Nicky! No, don't touch!" He pulled the wailing baby out of the wreckage and frantically tried to determine how badly he'd been cut.

Gibbs was right there, turning on the tap but Tony shouted at him. "Leave us the hell alone, Jethro. Just–"

"Hold his arm under the water," Gibbs ordered.

"I don't want–" But Nicky was crying and struggling, and it was all Tony could do to hold him still.

"Don't be an idiot. Let me help."

"I don't _need_ you!"

Gibbs took Nicky out of his arms like it was the most natural thing in the world. "Calm down."

"Hey! Don't you tell me to–"

"Tony," Gibbs said sharply as he set Nicky on the counter and gently rinsed off the blood. "See, it's not as bad as it looks. Just a nick." Gibbs smiled at Nicky, and miraculously the baby stopped crying.

Nicky hiccupped and gazed at Gibbs with absolute trust.

"Traitor," Tony muttered. "Give me my kid, Gibbs. The first aid kit's in the bathroom." He washed Nicky's face and comforted him until Gibbs returned with Snoopy band-aids and antiseptic. Tony held his son while Gibbs played medic, his touch gentle.

Gibbs cleaned up the broken glass while Tony put Nicky in his playpen. The baby turned to his toys as if nothing had happened. The two men stood watching him in silence.

Eventually Tony said, his voice breaking, "You know, Jethro, I would have gone anywhere, _anywhere_ with you."

Gibbs shook his head helplessly. "You ever coming back?"

Suddenly angry at Jethro, and at his own traitorous feelings, Tony asked, "Damn it, why is it _always_ so difficult with you?"

"I don't want to fight, Tony."

"Yeah, well maybe _I _do."

"No you don't," Gibbs said tiredly.

Tony held the front door open. "Please go."

"You watch your back, DiNozzo."

Tony smiled even though there was a terrible pain in his heart. "You too, Boss."

***–***


	19. Chapter 19

**Second Chance**

From where he lay in bed, Tony could see a sliver of the East China Sea through the open patio doors. The breeze stirred the curtains and he wondered if he could go for a swim without waking Tim.

Tim stirred, then wrapped his arms around Tony from behind. "You okay?"

"Just thinking."

"About talking to them today?"

"Mmm."

"Homesick?"

"Sort of."

"Having second thoughts 'bout coming here?"

Tony turned quickly and frowned at his husband. "No. Of course not."

"I just thought maybe you were missing things…people back home and–"

"I love being here, Tim."

"Yeah?"

Even in the dark Tony could tell Tim was relieved. Tony rubbed the arm that encircled his chest and got a warm, wet kiss on his neck in response. "Yeah. I love that we got our own place with a nice yard for Nicky to play in. And the nanny, Nicky loves her, and I now I don't freak out every time we need to leave him in someone else's care. Besides, Kiyoko is pretty hot for a nanny and– Ow!"

"Hey!"

"She _is_. Go on, say it. _Say_ it, Tim. The nanny is hot."

"Okay, she's hot. For a _girl_."

Tony chuckled.

Tim found the bungalow, a small Japanese-style home with an American-style bathroom. They enjoyed living among the locals, and were only fifteen minutes from work, and a short walk to Sushi-Go-Round. And there was the beach right across the street. You couldn't beat that.

Tim snuggled against Tony's back. "We had fun today, didn't we, at the aquarium?"

Tony smiled. "Nicky loved those huge fish." There were still many sights to see on the island even though they'd been on Okinawa for six months now.

"We'll visit the palace in Naha next," promised Tim. "See the tunnels they used in WW2."

Coordinating their schedules was difficult, but today they'd managed to have a lunch of goya champuru together. They'd even held hands under the table. It had felt like those early days, back when Tony was barely over Gibbs, and Tim was offering him a second chance, bright with expectation.

This evening, Tim had arranged a Skype call to DC, where the workday was just starting. Tony said softly, "I'm glad we could say hi to everybody."

Abby had been front and center, with Ducky and the otherscrowded around. But all Tony'd had eyes for was Gibbs, half-hidden at the back. Gibbs had said little beyond a greeting but even that was almost too much for Tony.

Ever since he'd arrived in Okinawa, Tony had worked at being a good husband and father, attentive and loving. He _tried_ not to think of Jethro. He _tried_ not to yearn for what he couldn't – _shouldn't_ – have. In the end he concluded that the pain in his heart was something to be endured, a penance for his sins. He could handle that.

So when Tim whispered, "I just want you happy," Tony was able to say, "I am."

***–***


	20. Chapter 20

**New Beginnings**

They'd been working out of Camp Foster for nearly six months now. Tim eased right into his position of head of Cyber, but it took Tony a little longer to make the transition. "I don't get it, Tim. It's not like murder is any different in Okinawa. I'm still in major crimes. Even my chair and desk are the same. Must be the gold walls throwing me off," Tony mused. "I think I actually miss the orange."

Tim snorted. "Maybe you're missing the head slaps, Tony."

Special Agent Muldeen was a good leader, and the other two agents on the team, Swift and Woodruff, welcomed Tony into the fold. The new boss might be a tough, former Navy commander, but he had kids of his own and he'd understood when Tony and Tim had to rush from work one day because Nicky had been admitted to the base infirmary.

"I bang-ded my head," Nicky said proudly, touching the bandage on his forehead.

Tim, still shaken, said, "Sometimes I wish he wasn't so much like you, Tony."

Tony liked it when Tim's skills were required in an investigation and they got to work together. It reminded him of the old days when Tim was a probie and he teased him until Gibbs dealt him a well-earned head slap. But this wasn't DC and Gibbs was a million miles away, and getting further away with every passing day. And Muldeen never meted out any head slaps, not even when Tony deserved them.

They took down a terrorist that day, the investigation ending with the suspect blowing himself up just as the bomb squad arrived. It was a mess. By the time they got home, Tony was exhausted but still too wound up for bed, and all he wanted to do was hold his son close.

The nanny, Kiyoko, brought a freshly bathed Nicky into the living room before leaving for her nearby home.

"Hey, big boy," said Tony, lifting his son aloft and making him squeal.

"You wind him up and nobody'll get any sleep," warned Tim, even as he started making silly faces. Nicky, delighted, waved his little arms and slapped Tim on the nose. "Ow!"

Tony laughed. "Look at that, he's a year old and already winning hand-to-hand combat. That's my boy." He splayed out on the couch, grinning as Nicky crawled over him.

Tim held his injured nose. "What're you grinning at?"

"Everything's good. Happy baby, happy husband…"

Tim joined them and slowly kissed Tony, who relaxed into the sweet sensation until Nicky, who was sandwiched between them, kicked him in the balls. "Ow!"

Tim rolled off, laughing. "Okay, everyone, time for bed!"

"Bed? I could show you some commando moves," Tony offered in a sexy tone.

"Does this involve getting slapped around?" Tim asked.

"Not unless you want me to…"

"Me, me," demanded Nicky.

Tim kissed Nicky. "You're just like your daddy. Insatiable."

"But…isn't that a _good_ thing?" Tony asked innocently.

"Yeah, a very good thing," Tim agreed.

***–***


	21. Chapter 21

**The Visitor  
**

In late January, Abby came for a weeklong visit, and once Tim and Tony pried her out of the NCIS forensics labs, they drove her around the island. They visited all the tourist spots including the Gyokusendo Cave and the snake museum, which was a big hit.

On Abby's last night, they took Nicky to a circus, which didn't go over well. "You'd better get rid of your copy of _Killer Klowns for Outer Space_, Tim," warned Tony.

"I'll read him a bunny story," Tim said as Nicky kissed everyone goodnight.

Tony sat down with Abby and said sympathetically, "He'll have to check for clowns under the bed. Scarier than vampires."

"Maybe to you," she laughed.

During her stay, Abby had barely mentioned Gibbs, so Tony asked, "So, is Gibbs keeping the team in line?"

"I told you they're all good. Except maybe Dornie."

Tony grinned. "Ah, still scared of Gibbs?"

"Well yeah, especially after the incident," Abby said.

"What incident?"

Abby pulled a face. "Um, it was a sort of freak ricochet, and Gibbs was only _grazed_."

"I get emails from everyone, all the time, and nobody ever mentioned this? Isn't anyone watching his back?" Tony demanded.

Abby assured him, "I know you don't believe it's possible, Tony, but Gibbs _can_ live without you."

"You really know how to hurt a guy, Abs," said Tony, only half-kidding.

Abby hugged him. "Aw, he misses you, Tony, and I even heard him say that he wished DiNozzo was back."

"Really? He did?"

"We _all_ do. Anyway, you guys will be back by the end of the year. And you'll be on Gibbs' team again and you won't take another job halfway around the world again, will you?"

"If the position is still open," Tony said tentatively.

Abby sat back and frowned. "Of course he's holding it open for you. Wait, you _are_ over him, right?"

"I'm _married_, Abby."

"But this is Gibbs."

Tony said defensively, "And _now_ I'm committed to Tim."

"I know, but when you're around Gibbs…"

"Hey! I understand what commitment is, Abby. Look, I was totally committed to Jethro before…he broke us up. But now I've got my head screwed on straight and I'm not going to let anything ruin what I've got with Tim."

"I'm sorry I questioned you, Tony," said Abby, upset.

Tony sighed. "I don't think Tim had any idea what he was taking on when he married me, but I love him and what we have here is good."

"I'm really happy for both of you, Tony."

"Besides, I think I deserve some credit. Y'know, Tim's not always the easiest man to live with."

The bedroom door closed softly and Tim approached. Tony could tell he'd heard the conversation. "No clowns?"

"Not even in the closet." Tim wrapped his arms around Tony's shoulders from behind and kissed his neck. "And I think you deserve an A, Tony."

"Can I do extra credits and earn an A+?"

Tim chuckled. "We'll talk about that in bed."

***–***


	22. Chapter 22

**Winter**

It seemed as though Tim was never home that winter. He was either heading off to the Far East Field Office in Tokyo or was locked down in Cyber, trying to avert the latest crisis coming out of North Korea.

Tony had his own heavy caseload, and he swore he'd seen the inside of more Naval vessels during his time in Okinawa than in all his years working out of the DC office. In his first month in Okinawa, Tony had to quickly learn his way around the huge military base, how to deal with the local police, and a hundred other things that came with his position as senior field agent.

He liked working with his fellow agents though. Agent Mary Swift reminded him of Dorneget, gawky but brave, and Bob Woodruff was like Kate, always fast with a sharp comeback. Tony figured it was God's way of messing around with his mind. Still, he missed home: Ohio State games, his favorite Baltimore beer, and snowy streets on a crisp February morning. But most of all he missed his friends.

***–***

When Tim and Tony did find themselves at home together, they didn't waste any time. Those precious moments were spent with Nicky, but the second their toddler fell asleep, the couple headed to bed.

***–***

"Get your knees up higher," Tim said impatiently, pulling Tony further down the bed. "I need to be inside you." He barely waited for Tony to comply before he penetrated him.

Tony had to catch his breath. "Whoa, no foreplay?"

Tim thrust hard a couple of times, smirking. "'Real men go in, unload and pull out.'"

Tony stared at Tim in wonder. "Did you just quote that cheesy cheerleader movie? Oh…what's it called?" Tim kissed him hard, probably to shut him up, but Tony didn't care because Tim was doing these shallow thrusts that kept hitting him just _there_. Tony closed his eyes and groaned, "Fuck, do that again…oh _fuck_!"

"Is this what you want? Like this?"

Tony clutched at Tim's sweaty shoulders. With no barriers between them, he was dying by inches every time Tim's hot shaft slid back and forth inside him. They'd given up condoms in favor of the pill months ago and every sensation was intensified and he could barely bear it.

Tim kept up a steady rhythm, and took possession of Tony's cock. With just the tips of his fingers, he slid the skin back and forth and watched Tony writhe. "Just let it go," whispered Tim, "I've got you, Tony."

Tony arched and bucked, his heart pounding a crazy rhythm. Tim drove in deeply and released with a deep groan, and that was enough to drive Tony over the edge. "I'm _coming_…"

Afterwards they lay in each other's arms, legs entwined, Tony still breathing hard. "That was…amazing."

Tim looked at Tony with concern. "You okay?"

"You're gonna kill me."

Tim grinned. "That was pretty hot, wasn't it?"

"Except for your movie quote," Tony snorted.

"Love you, too, Tony."

"Mmm…"

***–***


	23. Chapter 23

**Sick**

Tony jogged every morning before work, determined to get in shape. He'd put on some weight around his middle and he didn't like how he got winded after only a couple of miles.

"I swear I've put on another five pounds this week," Tony groaned.

Tim patted Tony's ass. "I like a little meat on you."

"Easy for you to say, McKateMoss."

"C'mon, you know I've packed on a few pounds at times. Look, I'll be home at dinnertime more often so we'll plan some healthy meals."

Tony smiled. "So this means you've finished training your cyber-probies to take over the world?"

"Don't make fun of them – they're going to be taking trips to the mainland instead of me, which frees me up to–"

"To stay at home and watch me eat rabbit food," Tony said dolefully.

Tim pulled him into his arms. "Love you any way I can get you, Tony."

***–***

Looking back, Tony knew he should have seen the signs. Except, ever since the plague, he'd always hacked a bit in the morning. And between work and running after an active toddler, who wouldn't be exhausted by the end of the day?

So Tony went about his business as usual, hiding his cough and the shortness of breath that followed any strenuous activity, and pretended he was watching TV instead of snoozing in front of it.

Everything was fine until the day he had to chase a suspect nearly a mile on foot. Tony caught the guy but ended up coughing so hard that he saw stars.

Agent Swift stepped in and cuffed the suspect, giving Tony an odd look. "DiNozzo, your mouth."

Tony touched his lips and his fingers came away red with blood. "Shit."

His boss waited until they were back at NCIS to order, "Infirmary. And don't come back until Doc clears you."

Doc was the equivalent to Ducky, only he dealt with live people. Doc knew Tony's medical history and about two seconds after he listened to Tony's lungs he had security drive him over to the base hospital.

Although Tony kept insisting that he was fine, nobody believed him. As soon as his tests were completed, Tony found himself closeted with a specialist whose long face did not bode well.

Tony swallowed his fear. "Can't this wait? We'll be back in DC in a few months."

"No, son, afraid not."

_Shit._ "You don't happen to know Dr. Brad Pitt by any chance?"

***–***

As soon as Tony walked in the door, Tim poked his head out of their tiny kitchen. "Dinner'll be ready soon. Lean meat and fresh greens. You have a good day?"

Tony smiled. "I'll go freshen up."

He shut himself in the bathroom with his phone.

"Hey Brad. You said I could call you any time. Look, you'll be getting some files from a Dr….Oh, you got them. That bad, huh? Will you…will _you_ do it? I guess I can catch a flight tomorrow. Yeah, I hope so, too."

_Shit._

***–***


	24. Chapter 24

**Test**

Gibbs opened his front door and discovered Abby standing there with her arms wrapped around someone – a man. She practically fell inside, crying, "Gibbs, Gibbs! I can't handle him on my own and he's really heavy when he's like this and…"

Gibbs reached out to catch the man, and immediately knew who he was holding in his arms. "Tony!"

"Hey, Boss…" Tony grinned crookedly, like he was drunk, and leaned heavily on Gibbs.

"What the hell?" After not seeing Tony for a year and a half, this was a shock.

Abby warned, "Watch out for his ribs!"

Tony was unnaturally pale with a sheen of perspiration coating his face. His hair was sticking out in a way that a normal Tony would never allow, but the worst thing was his eyes. They were red-rimmed as if he hadn't slept in days, and sort of glassy, and he kept blinking slowly.

Gibbs adjusted his grip and got Tony into the living room, where he slumped on the couch, curling into himself with a groan, arms wrapped protectively around his belly.

"What's wrong with him?" Gibbs demanded.

"He wouldn't tell me. Some sort of procedure," said Abby. "Wait, they gave me his paperwork and meds." She drew papers out of her handbag and handed them to Gibbs, who sat on the coffee table to look them over.

Abby pulled pill containers and an inhaler out of a pharmacy bag as she talked. "They called me from Bethesda and said he needed a ride. He was pretty out of it."

Despite the medical jargon, Gibbs got the gist of what was going on. It didn't look good. "They did a lung biopsy." He gently pulled Tony's sweater up, exposing a small bandage.

Tony opened his eyes and gave Gibbs a wounded look. "They said it wouldn't hurt."

Gibbs laid a hand on Tony's shoulder and asked gently, "Tony, where's Tim?"

After a fleeting look of guilt, Tony said, "Home?"

Gibbs exchanged a look with Abby, who asked, "You mean he's…not _here_? But he's your husband!"

Tony shook his head tiredly. "I'm fine."

Gibbs almost exploded but somehow he managed to keep his tone calm. "This says you have _surgery_ on Monday."

Tony coughed. "I'm Brad's pet. Project. Gonna cut it out. Tumor."

Gibbs attempted to ask the obvious but he choked on the words.

"Thora- thorasic-," Tony said haltingly.

"Thoracoscopic surgery," Abby said. "Three small holes. They use general anesthesia and a camera. Better than cracking his chest."

_Christ_. "It's late. C'mon, Tony. Up."

Tony clung to him and asked hopefully, "We going to bed, Jethro?"

_Oh, Tony_.

The guest room had twin beds. "Abby, you sleep in here with him. Make sure he doesn't do anything stupid in the night."

While Abby was using the bathroom, Gibbs tucked Tony in. At least he didn't seem to be in pain any more. He couldn't help it, he had to kiss Tony's forehead, whispering, "Night, Tony."

Tony sighed, "Jethro," and closed his eyes.

***–***


	25. Chapter 25

**Secrets**

Gibbs must have got up ten times to check on him, but Tony slept through the night. In the morning Gibbs found Abby in the bathroom with Tony, who coughing so hard it made him throw up. When it was over, Tony was left pale and shaky, but he insisted he could get dressed without assistance.

By the time he came down to the kitchen he seemed better, and although he was quiet, he ate the breakfast that Abby had made for him.

Abby sat close by, casting worried looks at Tony. Gibbs drank his coffee and tried not to do the same.

Finally Gibbs asked, "You gonna call Tim?"

Eventually Tony said in a taut voice, "No."

Abby began, "But Tony…"

Tony snapped, "Leave it alone, Abby. I said _no_. If you don't understand what _no_ means–" His words were cut off by another bout of coughing, bad enough that he started choking. Tony stumbled to the sink, pushing Gibbs away when he tried to help him.

It lasted only a few minutes but to Gibbs it felt like hours. Tony rinsed the blood he'd coughed up down the drain. Gibbs hated feeling helpless, seeing Tony hurting like this.

Tony made it to the couch, and accepted his inhaler from Abby. Gibbs watched him, wondering how bad this was going to get. Tony's breathing soon eased and he lay limply, obviously exhausted. Abby asked if she could get him anything, and Tony shook his head. He cleared his throat and said, "I'm okay."

"You're _not_ okay," Abby said fiercely.

Gibbs was surprised when Tony admitted, "No, guess I'm not okay."

"I _promise_ I won't pester you again." Abby hugged him gently, trying not to cry.

Gibbs asked, "Is he gonna come knocking at my door?"

For a second, Tony looked confused. "Oh. Not for a while yet." Gibbs raised an eyebrow. Tony reluctantly explained, "I left after Tim went to work. I wrote him a note, said I was going away on a job. 'Need to know.' I dumped my phone. That was a couple days ago."

"And he bought it?" asked Abby.

"Well, yeah. He trusts me," said Tony. "Except…he won't after this."

Gibbs said, "You _need_ to call him, Tony."

"I'm not telling him about…I'm _not_," Tony said stubbornly. "And you're not either."

Tony slept on the couch for the rest of the morning. Abby had gone to do errands and wasn't yet back when Tony stirred, so Gibbs decided to try again. "Why don't you want your husband with you?"

"I can't," said Tony, his voice barely audible.

Not knowing what else to do, Gibbs put his arm around Tony's shoulders. At first there was resistance but then Tony leaned into him with a sigh.

"I _can't_," Tony whispered, and Gibbs saw he was crying. "It's not just the lung t-tumor…" Tony hugged his stomach again and Gibbs understood even before Tony admitted, "I'm pregnant and I'm going to l-lose the baby. Don't tell Tim."

***–***


	26. Chapter 26

**Scared**

"Talk to me, Tony."

Tony nodded.

He was giving in too easily, thought Gibbs, beaten down by the sense of helplessness that comes with knowing you can't control your own body.

"I was on auto-pilot," Tony said in a quiet voice. "I left Nicky with the nanny and flew to Tokyo so I could get a direct flight to DC. I almost called Tim a dozen times from the airport."

"But you didn't," said Gibbs, trying to remain neutral.

"No. I called Brad instead. He said he'd expected me to call again. He explained everything. It was tough to hear, but he was really kind, you know?"

"He's a good man."

"The doctor back in Okinawa? I think he freaked out when he saw my scarred lungs on the x-rays. He's the one who told me I was pregnant. I had no idea, Jethro; I was on the pill. I guess I was so busy covering up the fact that my lungs weren't doing so good that I didn't…"

Gibbs wanted, very badly, to pull Tony into his arms, but he didn't.

"Brad explained he needed to do his own scans, but from what he'd seen…" Tony touched the right side of his chest. "This tumor's growing out of scar tissue. It's like a kid going through a growth spurt. It's pressing on my bronchial tube and when it infiltrates it…oh shit." He leaned forward, eyes squeezed closed, breathing hard.

Gibbs rubbed Tony's back, not knowing what else he could do, and Tony grabbed his free hand like it was a lifeline.

Tony leaned back, still holding onto Gibbs' hand, and said, his voice strained, "My lungs got really messed up by the plague, especially on the left side, so when they remove the right lobe, what used to be my _better_ side, my breathing capacity is gonna be 'substantially diminished.'" Tony laughed humorlessly. "That's medical lingo for gasping for air and being on oxygen for the rest of my life." He looked at Gibbs with haunted eyes. "The fetus is only _40 days old_, Jethro. Add in all the risk factors, and going under anesthesia…chances of a miscarriage are high."

Gibbs grasped at straws. "Can this operation wait? Give the baby more time to grow?"

Tony shook his head. "The tumor's getting bigger every day, and by the time the fetus is more advanced, the airway'll be blocked. There won't be enough oxygen getting to the baby and…" Tony covered his eyes with a trembling hand. "This is so fucking _hard_."

Gibbs pulled Tony into his arms and murmured, "I know, I _know_," feeling powerless.

Tony spoke, his breath warm on Gibbs' chest. "I was going to tell Tim after the biopsy. Then I thought I'd wait until after the operation and save him from _knowing_. It's gonna hurt him so much, when…_if_ our baby dies. It's gonna kill him. I can't hurt him like that."

Gibbs had no answer, the pain in his own heart was too great.

***–***


	27. Chapter 27

**Anger**

Tim didn't bother to knock.

He walked right into Gibbs' house and found his old boss sitting in the living room, a mug of coffee in one hand. The ball game was on TV with no sound.

Gibbs barely turned his head. "You took your time getting here."

"You try flying 17 hours with a two year old with an earache," Tim snapped. Kiyoko had accompanied him to DC to take care of Nicky – they were staying with his parents – but he wasn't telling Gibbs that. He looked around, anxious to see Tony.

Gibbs said, "He's having a shower. Sit down. We need to talk."

Tim was about to refuse Gibbs' order when he noticed paperwork bearing Tony's name sitting on the coffee table. It was instructions to appear at eight the next morning for surgery, signed by Cmdr. Dr. Bradley Pitt. "Is this for the biopsy?"

"They already did that. This is to remove the tumor itself. They're going to try to use the least invasive method, because of the state of his lungs." Gibbs told Tim everything he'd learned about the tumor, and how Brad had recruited a thoracic surgeon, the best in the field, to do the surgery.

"This is happening so fast," Tim said, fear pushing his anger out of the way.

"No time to waste," said Gibbs.

"How is he?"

"Says he's fine." Gibbs snorted. "He had some soup Abby made him earlier. She just left. She's been here the whole time."

Tim realized Gibbs wanted him to know she'd been a chaperone.

The anger he'd been harboring ever since he got the phone call telling him that his husband was undergoing life-changing medical procedures in the US returned full force. Tim was angry at Tony for covering up being so sick, and for leaving him a _note_ saying he was going on a secret investigation. He was angry that Tony didn't trust him or _believe_ in him, or care about their marriage, or even understand what the hell being married _meant_.

But most of all, Tim was so fucking angry at Gibbs for being the one taking care of Tony that he could strangle him and would never, not for a _moment_, regret it.

"Which room?" Tim demanded, heading upstairs.

Gibbs caught up to him at a closed door. "Wait."

Gibbs didn't touch him, a good thing because Tim was ready to punch him in the face.

"You leave it out here, McGee."

"_What?_"

"Your anger, your hurt feelings, whatever it is that's gnawing at you. That man in there did this for _you_, to protect _you_. The idiot planned to go through this alone because he loves you and doesn't want you to suffer. So you leave your crap out here, understand?"

Tim opened the door and came face to face with Tony, about to get into bed.

Tony stared. "Tim? How did you…? Abby!"

"_I_ called him," said Gibbs unapologetically. "Sort it out, you two." And with that he shut the door.

***–***


	28. Chapter 28

**Choice**

Tony asked, "Where's Nicky?"

"At my parents'. Kiyoko's with him."

"Can I see him?"

"Maybe in the morning."

Tony nodded. He had changed in just a few days. He was obviously still _Tony_, except he looked a few pounds lighter, and he wheezed slightly with every breath. But he seemed different, as if he'd aged in that short time. As if he'd given up.

Except Tony _never_ gave up, not for anything. He was Mr. Annoyingly Tenacious.

Tony hadn't moved from beside the bed, so Tim stepped forward until he was mere inches away from his husband. Tony's eyes were fixed upon his bare feet. Up close, his breathing sounded harsh.

Tim spoke gently. "Tony."

Tony pressed a fist to his chest and didn't meet Tim's eyes.

"Tony, get in bed. You've got a big day tomorrow."

Tony's eyes flicked up for a moment and he did as he was told.

There were several pill containers and an inhaler on the nightstand. "You need to take any of these?"

"I already took 'em." Tony covered his mouth and coughed.

"You want your pillows higher?"

Tony nodded so Tim rearranged them until Tony's head was raised to a comfortable position. Immediately his breathing sounded less labored.

Tony was looking at him strangely. "You're being nice."

Tim smoothed Tony's hair and cupped his cheek. It was the first time he'd touched Tony since he'd arrived and it felt so good, so familiar, and something in his heart gave way. He was afraid of losing whatever remained between them but he didn't know what the next step was. "I should be mean to you?" Tim wasn't too surprised when Tony blinked and looked away.

"Wouldn't blame you." Tony angrily wiped his eyes. "I've fucked everything up."

"Yeah, you did, but we'll deal with it later." Tim asked evenly, "What do you need?"

"New lungs?" Tony tried to smile and failed.

"I wish I had a spare."

Tony swallowed and asked, "Can you…stay awhile?"

He almost didn't. He almost told Tony to get some sleep. He almost told Tony he hated him for ruining everything. He _almost_ walked out. But he didn't.

Tim removed his shoes and lay behind Tony, his arm snug around his waist. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Maybe you should."

"Maybe."

"Jethro called you?"

"Yeah, told me you needed me. Agent Muldeen had already phoned me to ask how you were doing so I knew."

Tony was quiet for a bit before saying, "I guess I was pretty stupid thinking I could do this alone."

"I don't understand you, Tony."

"No. I'm not surprised. I'm just…scared, Timmy."

_Me, too._ "Well, I'm going to be with you, all the way."

After a long silence, Tony said softly, "I…I have to tell you something. I…I'm pregnant…"

"Tony?"

"Except they think I'm gonna m-miscarry 'cause of the surgery and…I know we didn't plan this but…"

"Oh, Tony, I'm so sorry." All Tim could do was hug him and swallow his own tears.

***–***


	29. Chapter 29

**Distractions**

In the middle of the night, Gibbs heard a painful-sounding bout of coughing coming from the guest room. It took a great deal of self-control not to interfere. He heard low voices and eventually the coughing ceased. In the morning, both Tim and Tony looked worse for wear; neither of them protested when Gibbs announced he was driving them to the hospital.

Tony was all smiles and jokes with the nurse while she hooked him up to IVs and monitors. Tim stood at his bedside, trying to be positive.

A tech marked spots on Tony's ribs, on his right side. "Good thing I waxed," Tony said with a grin.

Seeing this little black marks on Tony's smooth skin, suddenly it became all too real. Gibbs caught Tony looking at him and knew he sensed his fear. Stupid mistake, letting it show. He covered it up with a confident, "You'll do fine," but he wasn't sure that Tony bought it.

Tim's mother, Alison, came in with Nicky in her arms. "Someone keeps asking to see his daddy," she said, holding the boy so Tony could hug him.

"Nicky, how'd you grow so big in just a few days?" Tony got a little emotional and covered it up by giving his son noisy kisses on his cheeks, making him giggle.

Alison picked up Nicky and gave Tony a hug. "We'll see you soon, honey."

"Now for the fun part," Tony said with a small smile that obviously took some effort.

Tim took his hand. "The surgeon's the best, Tony. I checked him out and Brad assured me–"

Tony said, "It's okay, Timmy."

Gibbs muttered, "I'll be out in the waiting room."

"You don't have to wait," said Tim.

Gibbs growled, "Yeah, I _do_. He's still one of my people. So are you, McGee."

At first, Tim seemed nonplussed, then he said, "Guess we'd better stock up on the good coffee."

Before he left, Gibbs asked, "Hey, where you gonna stay when they release you?"

Tony glanced at Tim and winced. "Looks like it has to be the in-law's condo. Have you ever seen the movie _The In-Laws_, 1979? Peter Falk and Alan Arkin?"

Tim rolled his eyes. "I found out that Tony'd booked a room at the Adams House."

"Their room service is excellent," Tony protested.

"You're going to need a lot of care, Tony," Tim countered. "At my parent's place–"

Tony interrupted, "Which doesn't stack up against the Adams' House, with the sauna, round-the-clock maid service…_I'm_ going to the hotel."

Gibbs had had enough. "The hell you are. Plenty of room at my place. Bring the kid and the nanny. McGee, too," he said, almost as an afterthought.

"You sure you know what you're taking on?" Tony had a satisfied glint in his eye.

Gibbs had a feeling he'd just been suckered. "Just don't expect any fancy concierge service, DiNozzo." A nurse came in carrying a tray with a catheter kit and Gibbs figured it was time to leave.

***–***


	30. Chapter 30

**Waiting**

Tim took a break from pacing and sat beside Gibbs in the waiting room. "Forget what Tony said. We'll make do at my parents' place."

"What's it got, two bedrooms?" asked Gibbs. Five adults and a toddler in a small condo?

"Then maybe I'll rent something," Tim said sharply.

Gibbs said neutrally, "My offer stands. I'll be at work most of the time so you'll have the house to yourself." He shrugged as if it didn't matter either way, even though he had a strong compulsion to take care of Tony. He'd done just that for twelve years; old habits die hard.

Noon came and Tony still wasn't out of surgery, and Tim was pacing again. Gibbs, he turned his mind to building a sailboat from scratch, picturing every step of the process from drawing up plans to planing the long boards.

Tim's mother joined them, as did Abby and Ducky, so Gibbs was surprised when Tim sat next to him again.

"Why would Tony take off like that, making out that he was going on a secret mission? Why not tell me he was sick?" Tim turned to Gibbs, his eyes wounded. "I don't understand. We've been good lately."

Gibbs shifted uneasily. Explaining Tony would take a lifetime, and he wasn't sure he was up to the task.

Tim persisted, "I would've come to DC with him. Nobody wants to go through this kind of thing alone, do they?"

The easiest answer was to quote Tony. "He said he wanted to spare you."

"What's he so afraid of?" Tim shook his head in disbelief then asked warily, "Was he like this with you?"

It was the first time Tim had ever asked Gibbs about his relationship with Tony. "Mostly he kept things to himself. It's hard to change a lifetime of habit."

"He can't talk to me? After all these years?"

"Not if he thinks it'll hurt you. Tony'll do whatever it takes to avoid hurting people he loves." Gibbs sighed. "Look, talk to him. You gotta keep pushing, break down that door. Firm and steady."

"You ever break through?"

Gibbs smiled a little. "More like he let me in for a while." Still, Tony always held something of himself back. He doubted that Tim would get through but you never knew.

Brad appeared in the doorway and Tim jumped to his feet. "He's in ICU, doing well. Tim, can we have a word?"

The doctor drew Tim into the hallway and Gibbs watched them intently, wishing he were better at reading lips. Brad's hand was on Tim's shoulder and Tim's head was bowed. He was nodding, and then Brad patted him on the back.

Tim returned to the waiting room, and Gibbs held his breath until Tim announced, his voice shaky, "They got it all. It's benign." His mother and Abby enveloped him in a hug, and Ducky offered his support.

Once he was free, Tim walked over to Gibbs and mouthed, "So far the baby is fine."

***–***


	31. Chapter 31

**Optimistic**

"You can go in now."

That was all Tim needed to hear and he was hurrying into ICU.

He'd seen Tony hooked up to machines enough times to know what to expect but somehow this was worse than usual. It wasn't just Tony's face, swollen from medications, that got to him, or the tubes protruding from beneath the flimsy hospital gown, dripping fluids into a container. It wasn't even the whooshing of the ventilator pumping life-giving oxygen into whatever remained of Tony's plague-scarred lungs.

It was the restraints that disturbed him. They had secured Tony's hands to prevent him from pulling at the tubes and wires, but even in his current semi-conscious state, Tony made small, futile attempts to get free.

"Shhh. Everything's okay." Tim gently smoothed the hair away from Tony's forehead. "It's all over. I'm right here. You're safe now." After a while, Tony relaxed and Tim held his hand and watched his chest rise and fall with mechanical precision.

Tim had been on the go since he left Okinawa, so he soon fell asleep in the bedside chair. A hand on his shoulder woke him, a nurse informing him, "He'll be waking up soon. I notified Dr. Pitt."

Sure enough, a short time later Tony's eyes slowly opened and he blinked at Tim, groggy and confused. Tim assured him that everything was fine, but he could see the moment that Tony realized that he was still on a vent. Tony struggled but he was so drugged up he couldn't do any more than plead with his eyes, but Tim got the message.

"Take it easy, Tony." Tim placed a hand on Tony's chest. "The surgery went well. Brad said they got it all out, and they used that VATS surgery so you'll recover faster."

Tony managed to grasp Tim's hand and squeeze it. "What's?" asked Tim. "The baby?" Tony squeezed again, and Tim smiled. "He's still with us. He's a fighter like you, babe." Tony relaxed, his eyelids drooping, and Tim leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "You sleep now. I'll be right here when you wake up, okay?"

It wasn't until the next day that they removed the ventilator, and the restraints, but Tony required oxygen through a face mask. "You keep that on," warned a nurse when Tony touched it. "Your stats are still low."

"Got enough wires and things comin' outta me," Tony complained in a rough voice, muffled behind the mask. "_'I am the Borg_.'"

"You just had a section of lung removed, Tony," Tim said, laughing at the Borg reference. "Brad is optimistic that you'll get out of here on schedule."

"_Ten_ days," groaned Tony.

"_Maybe_ ten days," corrected Tim. When Tony groaned again, Tim took his hand and sat close. "I don't know about you, but this has taken ten years off my life."

"Sorry," Tony mumbled.

"So am I. But we'll figure this out. Together, okay?"

Tony nodded and closed his eyes. "Tired."

"I love you, Tony."

"Loveyou…"

***–***


	32. Chapter 32

**Holding Onto a Promise**

It was late by the time Gibbs got off work. Only Tim's sister was in the waiting room. He'd seen Tim's mother there, always supportive and kind, but never his father. Good thing – the way Admiral McGee talked down to his son made Gibbs want to smack the guy.

Sarah said, "Tim's on the phone. Some crisis in the Pacific. I have to leave."

Tim was needed back in Okinawa, but it was obvious that he wasn't about to leave Tony's side. Not while he was so sick, anyway.

Tim walked in and looked absently at Gibbs. "I have to go to the Navy Yard."

Gibbs volunteered, "Go if you have to. I'll keep an eye on him."

Tim stared at Gibbs before nodding. "He won't take the pain medication unless you make him."

Gibbs smiled at the familiarity of it all. "Go. I got it."

***–***

Tony turned his head on the pillow, opening his eyes slowly. The oxygen mask had been replaced by a nasal cannula. "Tim?"

"It's me." Gibbs leaned over the bed and gently took Tony's hand, careful not to jostle the tubes protruding from his ribs. "Tim went to use MTAC."

"Oh. Okay."

"How're you feeling?"

Tony laughed, a dry wheezing sound. "Like I've been shot in the chest." He shifted a little and moaned and closed his eyes tightly, his grip on Gibbs' hand fierce.

Not wasting his breath asking Tony if he needed something for pain, Gibbs pressed the button on the gizmo for him.

Eventually the death-grip on his hand eased and Tony smiled weakly. "I'm okay now."

"That's up for debate. Next time, press the damned button, DiNozzo."

That got Tony chuckling which set off a bout of coughing. Gibbs helped Tony sit upright and pressed a pillow to his chest, and by the time it was over, Gibbs felt thoroughly wrung out. He settled Tony in the bed, and reached for the call button.

"No! No nurse. I'm okay." Tony frowned. "Did I say that already?"

Gibbs snorted. "Yeah."

"You know why I'm soooo lucky?" asked Tony.

The meds had apparently kicked in. "Why?"

"No more tumor. They cut out a big fat wedge, like a piece o' pie." Tony smiled widely. "Gonna have a baby. I tell you that?"

"I'm glad for both of you, Tony," Gibbs said, meaning it. Every day that passed, the baby's chances improved.

Tony's smile faded. "I didn't expect Tim'd come way 'round the world for me."

"Time you raise your expectations then," Gibbs said bluntly. "You might've been taught to deal with things on your own, but you gotta stop treating your husband like he's a visitor, Tony. If you don't let him into your life, he's gonna walk away."

"I don't know how to," Tony whispered.

"Just talk to him from your heart."

Tony was so quiet that Gibbs thought he'd fallen asleep. "Jethro?"

"Mmm?"

"Do you still love me?"

Gibbs couldn't reply.

Eventually Tony fell asleep, still holding onto Gibbs' hand.

***–***


	33. Chapter 33

**Weaknesses**

Tony was dozing but he awoke the minute they pulled up in front of Gibbs' house. He turned to question Tim, and found his husband was studiously avoiding any eye contact. "So, McGPS, are we lost or something?"

Ignoring Tony, Tim turned to Kiyoko, who was in the back seat with a sleepy Nicky. "Here we are," he said cheerfully.

Tony called after him, "This is _not_ your parents' condo, Tim. Whatever happened to _'over my dead body'_?" Tony watched Tim carry Nicky up the front path and into Gibbs' house. Kiyoko, who followed, hesitated on the threshold and looked back at Tony before disappearing inside.

Every little task seemed like an insurmountable feat when you were tethered to an oxygen tank. Just the same, annoyance and curiosity spurred Tony to get out of the car. He made it to the porch although his knees kept wanting to buckle under him and he was panting like a steam engine. Getting discharged from the hospital, after _three fucking weeks_, had taken a lot more out of him than he'd ever admit.

Just as Tony made it to the front door, Tim appeared. "What are you doing, Tony?"

"I…can…do it…myself." Gasping for breath between every word did not help Tony's case, but Tim surprised him by merely hovering until they were safely inside.

"The bed's ready for you back here," said Tim, picking up Tony's O2 tank.

"Nicky?"

"Kiyoko took him upstairs."

Tony shuffled into what used to be a den, now a bedroom. When had that happened? Admittedly, the double bed with its puffy pillows and oh-so-soft blanket was very enticing, and when Tony touched the sheets, which were a sinfully high thread-count in the palest of yellows, he thought, '_Thank you,_ _Jethro_.'

He allowed Tim to remove his shoes and help him into bed. Tim connected Tony's oxygen supply tube to a bigger tank, and confirmed he had the correct airflow. Afterwards, he stood by the bed, looking uncertain.

Tony tugged at Tim's hand until he sat. "Hey, talk to me."

Tim sighed. "Staying at my parents' place while you were in the hospital? It was _torture_. There was no way I was going to subject you to that."

"Ah, your dad." Tony nodded, understanding. "And we can't move back home?"

"Tony, we can't kick Jimmy and Breena out. Their new house won't be available for weeks."

"So you asked Gibbs."

"It seemed like the best alternative," Tim admitted.

"He didn't say, _'I told you so'_?"

Tim snorted. "Not aloud."

"You okay with staying here?"

"I guess. Look, d'you need anything?"

_Where should he begin?_ They hadn't had a real kiss since they were in Okinawa. _Forever_. Feeling embarrassingly emotional, which was due to being exhausted, Tony suggested in a subdued voice, "I could do with a kiss right about now."

Tim's lips touched his, his kisses tender and undemanding as if he were afraid he'd steal Tony's breath away.

Tony wondered how long his luck was going to last.

***–***


	34. Chapter 34

**Goals**

Gibbs eyed Tony with concern. "You need your inhaler?"

Tony shook his head and concentrated on suppressing a cough. When it seemed safe to talk, he glared at the incentive spirometer and said, "I hate…that thing."

"You're following the doctor's orders?"

"Don't I always?"

Gibbs looked at him in disbelief.

"Well, I am now," Tony conceded. He'd do whatever it took to get healthy enough to carry his baby to full term – Gibbs knew that. "I made it all the way around the block this afternoon," Tony boasted, not mentioning how he'd ended up stumbling into the house, sides heaving.

Gibbs gave a sharp look, but all he said was, "You're doing good, Tony. Better than last week."

"Yeah, well, we need these lungs to be working at 100% so this kid can get born safely," Tony said casually. He'd be lucky if he achieved 80%. Happily, he wasn't dragging the O2 tank around any more, but Brad had made it clear that he would be oxygen dependent by the time his third trimester rolled around.

_"Oxygen consumption will increase due to fetal demand, Tony, putting you at risk for pre-eclampsia and respiratory problems. There'll be a significant chance of pre-term delivery and low birth-weight."_

_"So tell me the bad news," Tony had replied, laughing because it was preferable to falling apart._

"You can do it," said Gibbs.

Tony wished he had just a fraction of Jethro's confidence. "You want to eat? There's a casserole."

"It's quiet. Where is everyone?"

"Tim's mom took Kiyoko and Nicky shopping, and they're staying over. And Tim's doing an all-nighter." Tim had been spending all his time in MTAC, coordinating with his team in Okinawa. Tony said quietly, "Tim won't say so, but I know they need him back in Okinawa."

"He's handling things just fine from here," Gibbs assured him.

"C'mon, he's too important to be stuck here. I'm holding him back."

"Hey, he _wants_ to be here. Accept it. C'mon, let's eat."

Jethro prepared and served the meal and they sat in the kitchen. Tony smiled and said, "It's been a few years but this seems like old times."

"That's a movie…uh, Chevy Chase?" Gibbs asked.

Tony grinned. "And Goldie Hawn."

"I liked the Cary Grant version better."

"_Talk of the Town_, 1942. You remembered."

"Some things are hard to forget." When he'd finished, Gibbs put his fork down and said, "I _do_, you know."

"You do what?"

Gibbs cleared his throat. "In the hospital, you asked me if I still loved you."

This was _not_ happening. "Jethro," Tony warned.

"You remember my advice?"

Tony sighed. "Sure, to open up my heart." To _Tim_, he'd meant. He still didn't know how.

"A man shouldn't offer advice he isn't willing to take himself," Gibbs said matter-of-factly. "So I'm telling you I _do._ Never stopped. That okay?"

Tony's heart beat a fast rhythm when he saw the depth of feeling in Jethro's eyes. _No, it's not okay. It's not okay at all._

***–***


	35. Chapter 35

You can find all chapters at my LJ / FF / AO3

**At my LJ:** I'll continue to post these as individual drabbles.  
**At AO3:** they are in order in an easy-to-follow _series_ _format_.  
**At FF: **Now available as one story with individual chapters. And this is a new chapter!

***–***

**Night**

"What time's it?" Tim asked, blinking at Tony with bleary eyes.

"Go back to sleep." Tim had stumbled in around five and it was only eight.

Tim rolled over and rested his face on Tony's chest. "This doesn't hurt, does it?"

Tony stroked Tim's hair and said softly, "No, I just can't lift my right arm." The worst pain he'd experienced was having the drainage tubes yanked out of his chest. Thinking about it made him queasy. "Doc says everything's healing well."

"That's good. Mom drove you?"

"Mmm. Alison's been great but I can't wait 'til I can drive again." Casually, Tony said to Tim, "The doc says we can have sex…" He was amused when Tim raised his head expectantly. "…as soon as I can walk up two flights without getting winded."

"Tease."

Tim laid his head down again, his breath warm on Tony's bare skin. It was comforting, being held like this, and it gave Tony a feeling of security he'd always wanted but never had before. Except, for a time, with Jethro.

Jethro…_God_, making that declaration at dinner. It made Tony flush, remembering the intensity of his gaze, and the strength and depth of his love in his eyes.

Back when they were together, Jethro had been like that, intense and focused when he kissed and sucked and fucked him like there was no tomorrow. Sex had been rough and potent, his every touch a declaration of his love, and Tony had consumed it all, like a starving man.

It had been tough getting over Jethro, but Tim had been there, offering shelter and safety, being far more patient with him than he deserved. It had been all-too easy to fall in love with Tim. They were good together, compatible, on a par with each other. Friends who became lovers.

Except now he'd messed up by hiding his illness from Tim, by ignoring the basic rules of a relationship as if they didn't apply to him – trusting and respecting and confiding in him. Stupid, _stupid_. Suddenly it was very important that he make it up to Tim. "Forgive me," he whispered.

"For what?" Tim asked.

Tony replied, "I thought…it would be better if I dealt with it on my own."

"How could that be better, for either of us?"

Tony shook his head. "If it was gonna be bad, I didn't want you to see it."

Tim looked hurt. "What, were you scared of my reaction? That I'd turn my back on you? You think so little of me?"

"No! You're the best."

Tim stared at him in disbelief. "You think so little of yourself?"

"I _know_ what it's like," Tony said, frustrated. He didn't want to talk about it but there was no escape. "All that pain. Seeing the person you love change into…into a stranger. Watching someone _die_."

"Oh, Tony. C'mere, babe." Tim pulled him close. "No matter what happens, you'll always be my Tony."

Tony kept quiet, even though Tim was wrong.

***–***


	36. Chapter 36

**Lost**

"How old were you?" asked Tim, taking his eyes off the road for a moment. They were headed to the Navy Yard. This would be Tony's first visit since they'd left for Okinawa nearly two years ago.

"When?" Tony asked vaguely.

"When your mother passed away," Tim said.

Tony rarely mentioned his mother, though the few times he had spoken of her, it was obvious he had loved her very much.

"I was ten," Tony replied, staring out the window. "You ever see _Paddy O'Day_? 1935. Jane Withers was only nine. She was a spunky kid–"

"Wasn't she Josephine the Plumber in ads on TV?"

"That's her. Paddy arrives in New York but her mother, who went ahead to work at a big mansion, had died. So Paddy joins a troupe of entertainers and becomes famous."

"Is there a point to this?"

"She was only a _kid_, Tim, who did whatever it took to survive." Tony turned to Tim and gave him a big smile. "This is going to be so cool, seeing everyone at work."

Most people would have been taken in by that smile. There was nothing but happiness and enthusiasm in Tony's expression, and yet Tim could _feel_ the undercurrent of pain like it was a tangible thing. "Tony?"

"Boy, I missed everyone. Abby's taking me to lunch."

Tim warned, "Just don't overdo it."

Tony nodded and turned away. They were almost at NCIS when Tony said, his voice devoid of emotion, "I wanted to be like Paddy O'Day. I wanted to be fearless in a really scary world, to find a new family…I used to cry every night for…for a _long_ time after Mom died. It would hit me at the weirdest times. Somebody would say something, or I'd hear a song on the radio, or my father would look at me the wrong way and it would set me off. He told me to be a man, that DiNozzos don't cry, and I tried…I really _tried_, but even when I learned not to cry any more, he still hated me. I…I don't know what I _did_."

Tim glanced over to see tears streaming down Tony's face, and he reached over and took his hand. "You didn't _do_ anything!"

Breathing hard, Tony said, "I _must_ have. I must…have…done _something_. I don't–"

Worried, Tim pulled the car over. "Tony, calm down."

Eventually Tony's breathing evened out and he dried his face and blew his nose. "Mom said, 'I'll be fine,' but she was _lying_. She changed when she got sick. She wasn't the same person. She even smelled different. All I wanted was my mom back, and I shouted at her, 'You're not my mom!' She looked so disappointed and sad that I said I was sorry, and I sat on her bed and we watched a movie on TV but I fell asleep. I woke up when a nurse pulled me out of the room. She tried to shield me but…I looked back." Tony whispered, "I should never have looked back."

• • •


	37. Chapter 37

Written for ncis-drabble Challenge 059. Distractions

•••

**Distractions**

"I'm taking you home, Tony."

"No. You'll be late for work."

"It's only noon; they're fast asleep in Okinawa." Tim pulled over to a quiet spot near the Potomac and Tony pulled out his go-bag.

After applying a cold pack, eye drops and concealer under his eyes, Tony was good to go – at least on the outside. Unless you were looking for the signs, you'd never know that a short time earlier Tony had been an emotional mess.

Tim watched curiously as Tony spread Visine on his lips.

"Takes the red out." Tony checked his appearance in the rear-view mirror and seemed satisfied. "It's good for after a make-out session in the elevator."

Tim couldn't tear his eyes off Tony's mouth. He didn't want to think about who _had_ kissed Tony like that. "_We've_ never done anything in an elevator."

For the first time since his meltdown, Tony smiled, and although it was subdued, it was good to see. "Well then, it's about time we gave it a whirl."

Tim studied his husband. "How do you do it, Tony?"

Tony smirked. "How do I kiss? How do look so good? I possess talents few are blessed with."

Refusing to be put off, Tim asked, "How'd you put it all behind you like it never happened?"

For a moment, Tim thought that Tony was going to make light of the situation, but Tony surprised him by saying in a restrained voice, "If it's bad…you learn to turn it off. You have to."

"I'm glad you told me about your mother, Tony, but I hate seeing you upset," Tim replied, squeezing his hand. Tony nodded and stared blindly at the river, and Tim knew that the door, so briefly opened, had closed.

• •

From the moment he walked off the elevator, Tony was _on_. Like a very skilled actor, he greeted his friends and coworkers – and even the director – with smiles and reassurances that all was fine in the world of Special Agent Tony DiNozzo.

Tim saw the relief in people's eyes. They liked Tony and many remembered how sick he'd been after the plague. He looked good now, and nobody was to know that the color in his cheeks was from crying.

Except for Gibbs, who stood to the side and watched Tony closely, as pensive as Tony was animated.

Tony fielded their questions about his wellbeing. He was funny and charming, always giving the perfect response to his audience. He never mentioned he was pregnant. It didn't show, anyway, not unless you knew to look.

Abby asked, "Have you decided when you're going back to Okinawa?"

Tony smiled at Abby. "They need Tim's expertise over there, but I think I'll hang around here."

"You will?"

Tim intervened, "Tony has to recover before we make any decisions. I'm not leaving before–"

"_Tim_," Tony warned.

Abby took Tony's arm. "How about I take you to lunch and we talk?"

Tony sent a silent appeal Tim's way but Tim shrugged. "Have fun."

• • •


	38. Chapter 38

_**Personal Note:**_ I don't usually talk about personal stuff but my mother, who I cared for, for a long time, died two weeks ago. As you can imagine, I'm sorting things out on several levels. Still, I'm trying to find time and impetus to write and create, and if these chapters meander a little, you'll have to forgive me. I know a lot of you have been (or are currently going through) similar situations, and so kudos of the highest kind to you. That's all, no sympathy needed. Life goes on.

• • •

**Hawaii**

Tony found Tim in the kitchen, eating a bowl of Jethro's Wheat-Os. Tony planted a kiss on his mouth then complained, "Ew! You taste like library paste."

"Morning to you, too, honey."

Tony made himself a cup of herbal tea; no coffee for him. In fact, he'd never eaten healthier in his life. He grabbed a slice of pizza out of the fridge and took a bite.

"No pizza."

"It's organic. Gibbs brought it home last night. Not bad." Actually, it was pretty good and even Jethro had enjoyed it.

"How'd the lunch with Abby go?"

Tony smiled. "Good."

Tim narrowed his eyes at Tony's expression. "You told her."

"Oh, she'd already figured it out." Tony sat down with his tea and pizza. "She was bouncing until she realized how difficult it's going to be, carrying this kid, giving birth." Tony pulled up his t-shirt to display his stomach. "I can't hide this much longer."

"Tony, why'd you stop me yesterday? From telling people at work?"

"I guess I didn't think I was ready. Then I thought, my lung is healed and this baby is twelve weeks old. So maybe it's time to make the announcement."

"What made you think I'd go anywhere without you?" Tim wrinkled his nose. "What _have_ you got on that pizza?"

"Sardines and applesauce." Tony grinned and licked his fingers.

"You're gonna barf."

"No way."

"Then _I'm_ gonna barf." Tim took the remainder of the pizza away from Tony and held his hand. "Look, this is the perfect window of opportunity for us to move back to our own home."

"Home?"

"We'll double-check with your doctors first–"

"But Jimmy isn't vacating for two weeks."

Tim looked at him blankly and then laughed. "I'm not talking about our house _here_. I'm meant our home in Okinawa. You and me and Nicky. Tony, if I don't go back, they're going to replace me; I'll lose my position."

Tony snorted. "Nobody can replace you, Timmy."

"I'm _serious_."

Tony stared at him. "I _cannot_ do this without Brad."

"There are excellent doctors in Okinawa, Tony, and Dr. Pitt can confer with them."

_No._ "Tim–"

"We can make the trip in easy stages, stop in Hawaii."

"Hawaii?" Tony stood quickly, feeling lightheaded. "No! I can't go with you."

"You _can't_?"

"All right, I _won't_ go." There, it was _out_, and Tim was looking at him like he'd lost his mind. Which he probably had.

At that moment, Gibbs, with perfect timing, walked in. He sized up the situation but instead of retreating he ordered, "DiNozzo, sit."

Tim rose to his feet, pissed. "Hey! Can you give us some privacy?"

"I'm fine, Gibbs," Tony said weakly.

Gibbs just growled, "_Tony_. Sit before you fall."

Tony sat. "Bossy."

Tim demanded, "Tony? Is _this_ why you won't go home with me? Because of _him_?"

"McGee," warned Gibbs.

"Fuck off, Gibbs," Tim snarled.

Tony held his head in his hands, sure he was going to puke, and wished they would both just go away.

• • •


	39. Chapter 39

**Triangle**

Tony locked himself in the bathroom. He had had to pee, anyway. He'd once heard of a guy who hadn't left the family bathroom for seven years; his mother had devised meals slim enough to slip under the door. Pizza might work.

"Tony?"

"Go away, Tim." Tony washed his face and then shaved his chest, just to pass the time.

"_Tony_."

"Leave me alone, Jethro."

Tony had a shower, a long one, trying not to think too hard. It didn't work.

He remembered, quite clearly, tackling the Navy guy, and how one sardonic look from those blue eyes had made him reassess his belief that love at first sight was a load of crap.

He thought about Timmy's gentle hands stroking him, playing him like an instrument – what a cliché – but that's what it felt like, and the slow build to a full-orchestral crescendo had brought on one of the most intense orgasms he'd ever had.

Tony thought about how he loved Nicky more than his own life, and about the child he was now carrying. When he ran his hands across his abdomen, he knew instinctively that it was another boy.

He thought about Jethro's inability to hide his longing whenever he looked at his gently swelling belly. It made Tony wonder, for the thousandth time, what would have happened if he'd agreed to start a family with Jethro all those years ago. Would it have brought them together or torn them apart? They'd mutually agreed their relationship never would have worked, that they'd have quarreled and ended up hating each other. And yet…and yet _here they were_, years later, living together in the same house in a strange kind of triangle with Tim stuck in the middle.

It hadn't come naturally opening up to Tim, but he'd had to, to save their relationship. Every word Tony forced past his lips, every deeply personal memory, made revealing the next one that much more difficult. Yet he'd sometimes talked to Jethro when they were together. He'd laid bare things he'd never told another soul. That was when they lived together, right here in this house, when this was Tony and Jethro's home – and it hadn't been so terrible. Why couldn't he be like that with Tim?

Tony wiped the fogged-up mirror, and he didn't much like what he saw in the reflection. He was a liar, that was the truth. He lied out of habit, dissembled and misled as a form of self-protection, he knew that. But now, finally, Tony conceded that he'd not only been lying to the people closest to him, but he'd been lying to himself. It had to stop.

• • •

Tony came out of the bathroom carrying his toiletries. He shouldered past a worried Tim, and then Jethro, who wasn't hiding his thoughts very well, and shut them out of the bedroom.

A short time later he emerged, overnight bag in hand. "I need a little time. Don't kill each other while I'm gone."

• • •


	40. Chapter 40

_Written for ncis-drabble Challenge 152. Ready_

**Ready**

"I've been saying the words, doing all the right things, _mostly_, but this situation isn't fair to Tim," Tony confided to Abby after dinner at her place. He'd spent the day alone, thinking, but now he needed to voice his thoughts. "I never should have railroaded Tim into moving in with Gibbs. I'm really comfortable there but, obviously, Tim isn't."

"You needed somewhere safe to recover, Tony. You went through major surgery." Abby placed her hand over Tony's. "Tim wants what's best for you."

Tony knew that was the truth. "He's good for me, you know? Even though I messed up, not telling him what was going on, we somehow got past it. Problem is, I still have trouble with…you know…talking."

Abby smirked. "You talk all the time. You just don't reveal what you're feeling. I know you don't believe it, but it won't hurt you to let him in."

"I'm _trying_ only…I can't get the words out and…I'm afraid he's going to give up on me."

Abby sighed. "For a smart man, who's done brave things every day in the line of duty, how come you're stupid when it comes to men?"

"Hey!"

"Don't you get it? Tim only wants what _you_ want. Love, family, security, and a partner who'll be by his side forever. If Tim didn't love you so much, he sure wouldn't have risked stealing you out from right under Gibbs' nose."

"It wasn't like that; Jethro wasn't interested in me any more, and Tim just happened to be there."

"Tim took you in and loved you," countered Abby.

"Only because McSoftie couldn't toss the whimpering puppy out the door."

"You weren't _that_ pitiful," Abby scoffed.

"I _was_, for a while," Tony admitted ruefully. "But you're right. Tim's living in the same house with Gibbs, and all for _my_ sake. I haven't made it easy for either of them."

"What about Gibbs?" she asked tentatively.

Tony saw the worry in her eyes. He couldn't deny that his relationship with Jethro remained a big issue. He loved the man and didn't want to give him up, but it was time he took a definitive step. Tony said carefully, "I'm going to start by calling Jimmy to tell him to move out of our home. Timmy and I need to get back where we belong."

Abby gave Tony a hug. "Especially with another baby on the way. How did that happen?"

"Uh, the usual way?"

Abby lightly smacked his arm. "You know what I mean. I thought you were on the M-pill."

"I was! I know I didn't take anything that might counter its effectiveness."

"But you're happy about it?"

"I am, considering I didn't think I'd ever have _any_ kids." Tony felt good, finally sure that he was making the right choice. Tim needed to return to Okinawa for the term of his assignment, but he'd be back in DC in plenty of time for the birth of their second child. "I think I'll call Tim now."

• • •


	41. Chapter 41

**Obsession**

Living alongside his husband's ex-lover was awkward at times.

Gibbs would sometimes pass Tim as he came in from work around dawn. They would barely nod at each other and continue on their way, leaving an air of mild hostility in their wake.

Gibbs wanted Tony living in his home, and it was obvious that he tolerated Tim only because he had to.

Well, tough luck, old man. Tony had chosen _him_, married _him_, had _his_ children. Gibbs would never have that. _Never_.

Tim knew that if he pushed, he could coerce Tony into moving out. The threat that he could remove Tony was always there, and Gibbs knew it.

_I know that you know that I know… _

Yet somehow Tim was confident that Tony was safe with Gibbs. There was an unspoken understanding that Gibbs wouldn't touch Tony, and Tony had been unerringly careful to avoid any hint of impropriety, even if he and Gibbs were sometimes alone together. No, Tony wouldn't head in that direction again; something had changed since his lung surgery. Maybe he'd come to his senses.

_Yeah, Tony understands now that we're meant to be together_.

As far as Tim was concerned, Gibbs was on the outside looking in and that's where he was going to stay.

Gibbs seemed to have changed, too. His sexual aggressiveness (Tim couldn't think of it as anything else) had toned down a lot. The way he used to look at Tony, the encroaching on Tony's space as if it were his right? That had been replaced by attentiveness and a kind of constant concern. Tim wondered if Gibbs' age was catching up with him – he was nearing sixty.

Or he could simply be waiting. Gibbs was very good at waiting.

• • •

When Tim had bumped into Gibbs at breakfast a couple of days ago, he'd known from the smirk that Gibbs had overheard them having sex. One-sided sex, unfortunately, as Tony wasn't allowed to have intercourse yet. Tony could, however, give him a blowjob, so long as he didn't overexert himself. And Tony was very good at blowjobs.

Tim had tried to keep the noise level down, but with Tony doing indescribable things with his tongue, how could he _not_ make some noise? Tony had playfully shoved a pillow over his face, laughing at him.

Gibbs had snorted as he left the kitchen. Yeah, he had heard them going at it. Gibbs had this way of putting you in your place with very little effort. He'd always be the boss, and Tim hated being made to feel like he was still a probie. No, Gibbs was his _ex_-boss and had _no_ power over him any more.

Then Tony had appeared, sleepy-eyed and smelling like _Tony_, bare-chested, his sleep pants riding low to expose the soft swell of his belly. Tim had caressed him, whispering, "You're so sexy like this. You even _smell_ sexy. I can't wait to fuck what's mine."

"Is that what I am? Sexy?"

"Yes."

"Yours?"

"_Yes_."

• • •


	42. Chapter 42

Note: This one was fun to write…and it was a lot of info and emotion to squeeze into a short story. I love that the prompt word 'chemistry' was available. Thanks to everyone for your comments!

• • •

**Chemistry**

"Here's your stuff from the bathroom." Abby pulled a small white plastic bottle out of his toiletry bag and rattled it. "What's this?"

Tony peered at it. "How'd that get in there? I must have picked it up by mistake, Miss Snoopy. I was in a hurry."

"It's in Chinese," Abby said, reading the label.

"Yeah, it's a supplement Tim bought in Okinawa," Tony answered absently, holding one shoe and looking around.

"Are you taking them?"

"Have you seen my other shoe?"

Abby pulled his missing shoe from under the bed. "Since when has Timmy been into Chinese remedies?"

"It's a multi-vitamin. 'Healthy Garden.'" Tony shrugged. "He took a class in traditional Chinese medicine in Okinawa and bought some herbal stuff. I'm going to have some tea before we leave. You want some?"

"Sure," Abby said, frowning at the bottle. "So you didn't take any of these?"

"Abby!" Tony snatched the pills away. "C'mon, I'd like to get home sometime tonight."

While Tony sipped on his tea, Abby searched on her iPhone. "I know these: gentian, peony, loranthus, but…"

"You can read Chinese?"

She smirked. "The ingredients are in English, in really tiny letters, on the back. See?"

"Smarty-pants." Tony squinted and read, "Red sage, licorice, fei-wo hua-yuan. You know, I _did_ take these for a couple of weeks, but I gave them up when I started feeling…queasy."

"When you got pregnant, you mean?"

"I didn't know I was pregnant at the time."

"Tony, don't you know what you're putting in your body?"

"Well yeah, a herbal supplement that came from a reputable source. Tim said they were fine." He drank up his tea, thinking how he was looking forward to being back with his husband tonight. "Can you drive me home?"

"Sure…" Abby looked up from her phone, her eyes wide. "Tony! This translates to '_Fertile_ Garden' not _Healthy_!"

"F-fertile?"

"These pills enhance fertility," she insisted.

Tony swallowed hard. "No way."

"They contain 'a combination of herbs…increase blood flow to reproductive organs…makes your body temperature conducive for ovulation…"

"But…I was on the _M-pill_."

"And yet you_ got pregnant_, Tony." Abby held up the bottle as evidence.

No, _no_, this couldn't be right. "The M-pill is _proven_ effective."

Abby went into scientist mode. "Individually, these herbs wouldn't have any major effect, but when you combine them and add _this_ one, ba-ji-tian, well, it's like adding a booster rocket to its potency."

Tony was having trouble following what she was saying. Hell, he was having trouble _breathing_.

"This 'one-a-day' you've been taking, Tony? It totally wipes out any contraceptive you've been taking, and pretty much ensures you'll get pregnant," Abby said worriedly.

"You're accusing Tim of deliberately–?"

"I'm not accusing anyone."

"Tim researched it. He _wouldn't_–"

Abby took his hand. "Of _course_ not."

Tony tried to reason this out. "Look, there is no way that Tim would knowingly give me anything that would get me pregnant, Abby! C'mon, I'll prove it to you."

"Where're we going?"

"To talk to Tim."

• • •

_End note: I often do some research when I write, which prompts new ideas. I discovered there really is an herbal supplement called Fertile Garden._


	43. Chapter 43

**Conflict**

Gibbs walked in the door to find Tony confronting Tim, with Abby watching them attentively. What the hell was going on?

Tony, clearly on edge, was holding a small container in Tim's face. "You want to tell me about these?"

Tim went pale. "Oh. I thought you threw them out."

"Oh my God, you _did_ know," Tony cried. "I can't believe this!"

Abby raised a hand to her mouth. "Oh, _Tim_."

"I swear to you I would never do anything so…"

"The word you're searching for is _underhanded_," Tony ground out.

Tim said desperately, "Look Tony, you remember those products I brought back from the herbal medicine workshop? The massage lotion?"

Tony said sharply, "You _always_ read the ingredients."

"Normally, but you were so eager to try out the lotion that you, uh…" Tim glanced at Abby and then back at Tony. "You distracted me."

"What, this is somehow my fault?"

"No, I'm just saying…You put everything away and I didn't think about any of it again until I ran into Dr. Chu a few weeks later, and he asked me how the 'Fertile Garden' supplement had worked out for us. I _swear_ I had no idea, Tony, and by then you'd been taking them for a while with no apparent effect."

Tony shouted, "I took them for a whole monthwhile you _fucked_ me! You didn't even wear a condom!"

"I went to throw the pills out but I couldn't find them."

"I thought they were the reason I was feeling off," Tony said, pressing a hand to his belly. "I tossed them under the sink. They ended up in my travel bag and…" Tony's speech failed him. Tim reached for Tony's hand but he jerked away. "You _knew _thatthose pills were guaranteed to get me pregnant, Tim. You knew yet you never _told_ me?"

"You seemed fine."

"_Fine_? You should have told me the minute you found out! Why? I could have..." Tony turned away, closing his eyes, but Tim took hold of his arm, forcing Tony to face him.

"You could have _what_?"

"Well, for starters I could have confirmed if I was pregnant. They might've discovered the lung tumor earlier." Tony stood there, visibly upset.

Abby started to go to Tony's defense but Gibbs drew her away. "Not now, Abs."

Tony continued, "I don't _know_ what I would've done, Tim, but the point is that I was never given any choice! You took that away from me!"

"But everything's good now, Tony, right? We're having a baby and–"

Tony erupted, shoving Tim hard against the wall. "I went through _hell_ thinking I was going to lose this baby, and going through surgery at the same time, and…fuck _you_, Tim!"

"Please, Tony, understand–"

Gibbs watched with growing concern as Tony's breathing became more labored by the minute.

"No, I don't understand. How could you _deceive_ me?"

"I know you're upset but I love you so much."

"I don't believe you."

"Tony," Tim admonished.

"_No_. Just…go."

• • •


	44. Chapter 44

**Temptations**

_"I knew it was only a matter of time before this happened, Tony!"_

Tony sat in the dark in Jethro's bedroom, on the bed that used to be _theirs_. His breathing wasn't improving; he had to take in some oxygen soon. Finding the energy to get moving was a whole other matter. Climbing the stairs coupled with the emotional blowout with his husband had totally drained him. He felt raw, as if he'd been physically attacked.

_"If it wasn't for Gibbs, we would have stood a chance, Tony."_

_"Don't give me that excuse! This has nothing to do with him!"_

_"The hell it doesn't!"_

"Hey," said Gibbs, sitting. The mattress dipped and their shoulders bumped. "He's gone."

_"You lied, Tim, and manipulated me to get what you wanted! Another baby? How could you do that?"_

Tony said, "I came up to check on Nicky. He slept through all the shouting."

Jethro handed Tony his portable oxygen canister and mask. "You look like you could do with some O2. And some sleep."

Instinctively Tony wanted to deny he needed it, but his labored breathing said otherwise. "I can't…sleep…down there."

Gibbs suggested, "Then sack out in here tonight."

Tony stared at Jethro. "Here? I-I can't."

"I'll sleep on the couch downstairs…unless you want me to stay."

Hating himself for being sorely tempted, Tony slowly shook his head. "I need things…my meds," he said vaguely.

"I'll get 'em."

"I don't know…what I'm doing, Jethro."

"Let me take care of you then." Gibbs spoke so compassionately that Tony's heart just about broke.

_Tim shouted at him, "He's always been this wedge between us, and now he's going to get exactly what he wants, isn't he? The minute I'm gone, you'll be in his bed, letting him fuck you and –"_

"I hit Tim," Tony confessed. "God, how did it…get to this point? I don't understand any of this. He was my…my best friend." He had never felt more like crying but he managed to keep the tears at bay.

It was a while before Jethro replied. "I don't know."

"What do I do now?"

Gibbs sighed and got up to turn on the light. "First, you relax and take in some O2. I'll be right back."

Tony did as he was told, fitting the mask over his nose and mouth. "Where's Abby?"

Gibbs adjusted the air flow, saying, "Downstairs. You want her?"

With Abby, Tony could let his emotions go and she'd envelop him in her special kind of love, but instead he said, "I think I need to be alone."

Jethro hesitated in the doorway. "I want you to know I'm here for you, Tony. I'm not going anywhere, understand?"

After he was settled for the night, and Jethro had gone – leaving the door ajar – Tony lay with his hands shielding his unborn child while the oxygen did its work. He may be confused and sick at heart, but one thing Tony knew for sure: there was no going back.

• • •

_Note:_ I'll try to continue posting every week (or less) but I have to get a lot of writing done for the Big Bang Tony/Gibbs story I'm writing. The rough is due in a couple of weeks. Thanks for your comments on this story, everyone!


	45. Chapter 45

**Note:** There is only one more chapter after this one as I decided to finish it up today.

• • •

**Tired**

Tony sat on Gibbs' couch and watched TV for five days straight. Abby came by and watched the 1927 film _Metropolis_ with him, and Jimmy sat through a marathon of _Avengers_ episodes. Ducky sipped wine and shared his youthful adventures in the Yucatán during a showing of _Apocalypto_. Nicky snuggled up with his dad to watch TV shows featuring real-life backhoes and dump trucks.

And Gibbs…he actually sat down to watch Redford learning to be a mountain man in _Jeremiah Johnson_. At the end he grunted and disappeared down the basement, but Tony could tell he'd enjoyed it.

Tim emailed Tony every day, asking if he was ready to talk to him, which he wasn't. Not yet.

_"You're sleeping too much," Jethro chided._

_"I'm tired."_

_"You should eat more."_

_"What're you, my mother?"_

Tony would have blown off his appointment with Dr. Pitt if Jethro hadn't bullied him into getting dressed and literally pushed him into the car. Everything was a huge effort even though his breathing was back to normal (for him).

The news that his O2 levels were up and the ultrasound of the fetus showed normal development lifted Tony's spirits. He started to take Nicky to the playground in the mornings. He got back into his exercise routine and signed up for a yoga class for mpregs.

One day, Kiyoko helped Tony strip the bed he'd shared with Tim, and they packed up everything Tim had left behind. That night, Tony cooked a meal of chicken piccata with wild rice and sautéed spinach, and announced over dessert, "We're moving out tomorrow, Jethro. You'll get your bed back."

Jethro glared at him for a good long time, and then he nodded, which was as close to a seal of approval as Tony would ever get from him.

Tony called Tim and was relieved it went to voicemail. "Yeah, meet me at uh…at our house tomorrow."

• • •

The storage company had delivered their belongings and Kiyoko was busy putting things away when Tim arrived. He knocked and walked in, looking around cautiously. There was still a faint bruise on his jaw where Tony had hit him, and he looked tired.

As soon as Nicky spotted him he ran over, crying joyfully, "Papa!"

Tim hugged his son tight, tears welling up. "Missed you so much!"

It was a while before they were able to have any private time, but eventually Tony and Tim went outside to sit on a bench in their small back yard.

At first neither of them knew how to begin but Tony broke the ice. "You remember our vows? We promised to love and cherish each other, to be on each other's six, to…Look, I know I failed you, Tim, more than once, but I tried really hard to make amends. You know, people say you have to really work to make a marriage a success, and I get that. But why does it feel like our marriage is an uphill battle that we can't possibly win?"

• • •


	46. Chapter 46

**Note:** This is chapter 46 of 'The Promise' series. After this there is an epilogue!

This story was written as a WIP with no clear direction – and I wrote it for fun. Even though I have wavered back and forth between who should end up with whom, I'm being true to my initial idea. Nice comments are appreciated and thanks for reading!

• • •

**Endings**

"There's a movie. This guy says he has a hole inside of him that's so deep it can never be filled." Tony touched a spot over his heart. "That's what I feel like, Tim, that I have this hole inside of me."

"I'm sorry, Tony."

Tim's eyes were full of pain and it struck Tony that he was seeing a reflection of himself. "How'd we get like this?"

"Years ago, when you two broke up, I thought, _finally_, here's my chance. Gibbs had hurt you and there was no going back. I know it's really bad but I was _happy_ he'd messed up. All I wanted was the chance to love you. The thing is, I thought we had something good, that we were happy."

Tony protested, "We _did_ have something good. I just…had a hard time letting go of him, and then I took off without telling you what was going on. We should have obeyed rule #12."

"A lot less heartache."

Tony agreed. "But then there'd be no Nicky, or this one either."

Tim said, "I thought having kids would protect our marriage, but I _swear_ I didn't get you pregnant on purpose. It's an excuse that I was overworked and stressed out, and the truth is that I was careless and I covered it up when I found out about those pills. I put you in danger and I would _never_ knowingly do that to you, Tony."

Tony admitted, "When Nicky was born, I thought, 'At least now Tim won't leave me.' You and me, we've been at odds while fighting the same battle. Except having kids isn't the answer. Don't get me wrong but they just complicate matters."

Tim breathed out heavily. "So what do we do now?"

That was easy. "Nicky and the baby come first."

Tim nodded. "Of course. The needs of the many…"

"You are _not_ quoting Spock to me," Tony said with a laugh.

Tim smiled for the first time. "Hey, it fits. You'll stay here?"

Tony looked at their little house. "I'd like to. You're making enough book royalties to pay for Kiyoko?"

"Don't worry about that. What're you going to do all day?"

"Uh…shop for baby things?"

"And…?"

Tim knew him too well. "Okay, I spoke to Director Vance," Tony said. "I'm working desk duty until I go on maternity leave. And I already promised Ducky I wouldn't go into the field."

"You'd better. I'll come back for the birth," Tim said.

"Of course. You're the father of my children, Tim. That'll never change."

"What about him? Gibbs?"

"He's my friend. That's not going to change either."

"I can't compete with him, Tony."

"Then don't."

"This is it, isn't it? You want a divorce?"

"I don't know," Tony said truthfully.

"Guess it's goodbye then." Tim stood and turned to leave.

_Damn it._ Tony called after him, "You want to stay for lunch? It's alphabet soup."

"I'd like that." Tim held out his hand and after a moment Tony took it.

• • •

_Epilogue to follow…_


	47. Chapter 47

**Note:** This is chapter 47 of 'The Promise' series, the final chapter. Nice comments are appreciated and thanks for reading!

• • •

**Beginnings - Epilogue**

Tony didn't look up from cutting vegetables at the kitchen table when Gibbs appeared in the doorway. "When you finish your inspection, Special Agent, there's coffee."

"Just making sure you're okay," Jethro replied and poured himself a cup.

Tony smiled, acknowledging, "I _am_ okay. I'm tired, and have to take it easy."

"At least you're off the oxygen."

"Thank God." Being on O2 for months and then being hospitalized for the last two weeks had been hell. Tony had ended up on a respirator and they'd needed to perform a c-section earlier than planned. But in the end, delivering a healthy baby made up for all the pain.

Gibbs asked, "Where's the baby?"

Tony led him into the den. There, in a crib – handmade by Gibbs of course – was his month-old infant, sleeping peacefully.

"She's grown," Gibbs whispered.

Gibbs had been at Tony's bedside in the hospital whenever Tim took a break. He'd seen the newborn – a tiny, squalling thing. Her lungs were certainly in good working order. "Make the most of the quiet," Tony whispered back. "She cries _all_ night."

They retreated to the kitchen and Gibbs said, "Thought you were having a boy."

"Apparently not. She'll be wearing blue until she outgrows all the clothes I bought."

Gibbs looked around. "Is _he_ around?"

Gibbs meant Tim. As promised, Tim had returned before the birth to give support to Tony. "Tim's out with Nicky. He's taking that position in California, heading the cyber division." Tony played with the edge of his shirt. After a moment he looked up to meet Gibbs' eyes. Tony tried not to get emotional when he said, "We've tried…but we can't seem to…"

Gibbs grunted in sympathy. He understood the complexities of divorce.

Tony said quietly, "The weird thing is that we talk more now than ever before, and about important things. Look…it's not a tragedy. It's not the end of life. It's another stage and okay, it's left some pretty bad bruises…But even though I'm tied to Tim, I can't _be_ with him."

"So what's next?"

"Right now I've got two kids to take care of. Kiyoko isn't staying forever."

"You know I'm here for you."

It was strange the way life went in circles. If you can't acknowledge that it's time to get off the merry-go-round you'll get stuck on it forever. Tony squeezed Jethro's hand. "This is something I need to do on my own."

"Just the same…"

"I hear Dorneget's transferring to Florida," Tony said casually.

Gibbs snorted. "Hate breaking in new agents."

"Funny, I know one with a lot of experience. Good sense of humor, too. He'll be available soon."

"That so?" Gibbs couldn't hide his smile.

When Gibbs had to leave, Tony walked him to the door. At the last minute, Gibbs said abruptly, "I can always throw another steak on the fire."

"Maybe I will…one day, Jethro." Gibbs nodded and Tony gently closed the door behind him and went to take care of his baby.

• • • the end • • •


End file.
